S02E46 The Fallible Man Podcast
Welcome to the Fallible man. Podcast, your home for all things, man, husband. How do you balance it all work home, maintain your relationships, mental, physical health. I mean, it is the ever struggle of juggling life. How do you stay focused through it? How do you handle it? Do we have the capacity for all of it and to really reach our dreams?
[00:00:45] I think we do. And on today's show, we're going to talk about. The great juggling act that we all go through to balance things and maybe not lose your mind in the process. You're not gonna want to miss this guys. Our guest is Raj Subrameyer who wants to talk about actionable steps to help you achieve these goals.
[00:01:02] Raj, welcome to the fallible man podcast.
[00:01:06] Raj Subrameyer: Thanks for having me, man. I'm super excited to be here.
[00:01:10] David Dowlen: So Raj, I do not do full-blown introductions. So you said you've heard a couple of my podcasts. It just doesn't work. Right? Like I look you up before the show, I do a bunch of research, but it doesn't help my guests.
[00:01:23] So tell us who you are and why you're here.
[00:01:27] Raj Subrameyer: So again, I'm Raj and I'm a tech career strategist. So I help people specifically in the tech space to find a dream job and become successful leaders in the industry. I've been in the tech space for 15 plus years now. And I use my personal experiences and strategies to help other people.
[00:01:49] Uh, like me. So that's my main part of my job. I also do a lot of speaking at multiple conferences, company, private events. In fact, as we attack in the Saturday, I'm going to get my second FedEx back. Um, so I'm actually prepping for that. Finally. I love writing. I write for a lot of lash publications and tech magazines as well, sharing my thoughts.
[00:02:14] Different things related to entrepreneurship, motivation, tech stuff, productivity, and so on and so forth. And the reason why I'm here is, um, I feel your team in dumps of the podcasting, where as a man, you have to juggle a lot of things. And especially if you're running your own business, how do you manage family?
[00:02:39] How do you manage this? How do you manage mental and physical health? How do you stay sane in a very insane age? We are living in, so. I wanted to share so many different strategies, which I've personally followed to keep myself in a grounded and still perform at the peak level. So that's why I'm here. And I think your audience will get some actionable strategies from that discussion
[00:03:05] David Dowlen: as well.
[00:03:06] No doubt. They will get actionable strategies. Uh, I think you're going to share a lot of amazing things with the state, but the most important thing you're going to share right now is what is your favorite kind of.
[00:03:16] Raj Subrameyer: Chocolate have no other ice cream better than chocolate
[00:03:21] David Dowlen: chocolate, or just chocolate.
[00:03:24] Raj Subrameyer: Chocolate in general, you put anything, uh, chat video. It could be trapped with. And at that up there, you could put care and then chocolate crumbles and then chocolate chips, then a chocolate chip cookie, right. But the base should be chocolate and, uh, yeah, I'm a chocolate fanatic so that's one of the main reasons that is one of the main reasons I work out because, uh, I could eat a lot of chocolates.
[00:03:51] The second reason is so they can drink a lot of beer. Those are the two only hobbies and my wife, so,
[00:03:56] David Dowlen: and after my own heart I you right there, man, he's right there with. So you said you're about to do your second TEDx talks. Congratulations on that. That's incredible. And you said in your bio that you have a third one planned for this year, too?
[00:04:10] Yeah. That is incredible. Congratulations on.
[00:04:15] Raj Subrameyer: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's been quite a journey, right? Um, that, that also kind of relates to our conversation where you have all these goals, which you plan for, but then life throws you a curve ball and you have to deal with different things. Right? So, um, one basic formula of which I followed through, you know, The giving tax is an example, but when we're at want to accomplish something in life, I usually come up with, uh, uh, elaborate plan where for example, let's stick with the data, right.
[00:04:53] So I wanted to give it that that four years ago, like I knew that I wanted. Uh, in some near future, I want to go with that back. So I had a vision that I was going to impact millions of people from a dead stage. That was the vision. Right. And then I had to figure out different goals to reach that vision.
[00:05:14] So the goal would be to start speaking in front of large audiences, then started giving keynotes, um, then started thinking about different topics, start taking courses, right? Those are some goals associated with reaching the main vision of being a good speaker. And then now you have goals, but then you have to have tasks to actually accomplish those goals.
[00:05:38] So one of the examples would be, if you say you want to take. That speaking course, then some of the tasks would be research. What that speaking courses available, then figure out, well, what is the duration, right? What is the cap price? So there are so many tasks associated with just taking the speaking course.
[00:06:00] And then I go one step further and plug that into my Google calendar. So I would put chunks of time mentioning exactly what I'm going to do that particular day. So. I don't see you. I see you more think about what to do. It's already there in my Google calendar as a block of time, like a one hour block of time.
[00:06:17] Right. I read this book called deep work by Cal Newport. I highly just that, because it that's about how they do cognitively demanding tasks in focused time back sessions. And that's what I'm doing as well. And yeah. So once you have the vision goals, Desks map that be a Google calendar. Now we are talking in terms of an actionable way.
[00:06:42] The reach that vision. And then in January, I started applying for Fairfax after doing all this work and I was just really grateful, lucky, and some hard work to get three that backs this year. So I'm going to do my second one, the Saturday it's on toxic leader. And, um, the third one is going to be about Asian racism topics.
[00:07:09] So yeah. So that's, that is some actual strategy they're right there for all of you watching or listening. If, if you, if you have anything you want to accomplish in mind in your mind, put that in writing, come up with a plan and then execute it.
[00:07:26] David Dowlen: All right. I got to ask, right, because everybody's going to argue to some extent.
[00:07:32] Is there such a thing as a life balance, can you really accomplish a balance?
[00:07:41] Raj Subrameyer: That's that's a great question. Um, It depends upon what balance means to you, right? Different or different people have different interpretation of what balance actually means. So for me, balance is having enough time to travel.
[00:08:01] Spending enough time with my family balances, making sure I can still run my business successfully without killing myself. So that is balanced for me, but that may look different for another person, but if it's a single person young with no responsibilities balance could be working out and then earning a lot of money.
[00:08:23] Right. So I think it's very contextual when you talk about balance. And when I say work, life balance, what I mean. Having some structure in life so that he could, uh, give the necessary attention based on your intention to the necessarily things. Right. So let's just take an example here. So, um, as we went back in, I, uh, wrote my book as well, which got published last December and I wrote the book.
[00:08:54] In the midst of a pandemic while taking care of my then three months old son, full time for seven months from nine to 4:30 PM. And then I also wrote the book while actually coaching clients while running my business while doing my writing while doing my speaking. Right. But I had to find a balance. So I decided that always in the mornings is going to be family.
[00:09:20] With, when I say family, David was mainly taking care of my kid and I still used to have dinner with my wife and kid, and then the other times with work them. So I structured my life. And from eight to 10:00 PM every day for 30 days, I wrote thousand 500, 2000 words. That's how I was able to read the book.
[00:09:40] So what those summary of what I'm trying to say. Is you decide what work-life balance means to you and just have a structure. And that's why it all boils down to
[00:09:53] David Dowlen: it is I think possibly one of the most elusive things that people are searching for. Right. I had one of my guests tell me he got to talk to.
[00:10:07] I'm going to blow this. He's one of the guys from shark tanks, mark something. Yeah. He got to, he got to do a five minute interview with mark Cuban at one point and was talking to him and he asked mark Cuban's like, you know, is there a such a time as balance? And mark was like, well, there is now you said sometimes when you're getting to where you want to go, It's it's elusive.
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[00:10:35] Sometimes there has to be an unbalanced for you to achieve certain things, and then you fall back into that balance. So, yeah, I think it's very personal. I think it's a very confusing thing to all of us we're looking for, right? Because I work full-time job. I have this business on the side, my wife has a business.
[00:10:53] We have two little girls and that is men. If I could figure out that balance, that is one of my biggest struggles is just finding that balance of. My multiple jobs and our family and going to the gym.
[00:11:08] Raj Subrameyer: Right. But I do think another thing which I forgot to mention back in the bar balance is that, um, if you really love your job, what do you do?
[00:11:23] That, that also adds to it, right? Because when you enjoy what you do, then you feel that you're more stable. Yeah. A better mental health and physical health. Right? So there's a lot of people who are probably in fact sick environments, right. And then they find it hard to juggle in between so many different things.
[00:11:41] And if you really love your job, that really asks to it and also remember. We go through seasons in life, right? Just like fall winter, spring, summer, you have some seasons where you have to, for example, for you, you may have some seasons where you ever do a lot of podcast episodes, some seasons where you ever concentrate on work.
[00:12:03] And similarly for me, my first half of 2021 was just focused on the book and writing second half was focused on like that tax. Fall, uh, CSUN is going to be building my online course. So we go through different seasons and whenever you take up something, then you have to figure out, okay, how much now time I have to give to this compared to my family.
[00:12:29] Right? Because I think people have different buckets, usually falls under health family, both personal and career buckets. And you can have. All five full because you have any credit for hours and then you probably skate for about five to eight hours a day. Right? So if w if you're going to increase the capacity in one, then the other buckets are going to go down.
[00:12:54] You have to make the decision on what is okay. And what's not okay. And I think that's how life works. Life is like a stock market, right? If you go up and down and then if you concentrate on one thing, then that means you're not paying attention to other things. That's why it's very, very, you had to be really careful.
[00:13:15] And why do you work on if it's not aligned with your vision, it's not aligned with what you really want to do, then why do it, because you are taking time from another bucket and working on something just totally unnecessary to you. So those are some things we have to be constantly thinking about. I mean, I have a filtering system, usually even things come my way.
[00:13:36] So, uh, I have this, what I call the focus funnel. So you first say you have a past day. The first thing you need to think about is that it could be eliminated. Right? Okay. If it cannot be eliminated, then it couldn't be. If it cannot be automated, then can it be delegated? If it cannot be delegated, then you have two options.
[00:14:01] One is pro procrastinate a little bit more and then work on it later. Or if that's not possible, then that's the major priority have to work on right now. That's the focus funnel. Right? And I also, I pick this up from another book of procrastination on purpose by. Maiden. And then the customer is based on my needs, but that is how I make my decisions in how I'm I, I, again, I'm a work in progress from the William speaking.
[00:14:33] Don't think that I'm an expert in what I'm doing. The point is it's all about, you know, figuring out things. And I think life is like that. You just figure out things and then you just go with the abs and flows in life. Right? So that's something to think about.
[00:14:47] David Dowlen: So balance life balance may actually be one of the big.
[00:14:52] Both talk it out and untalked about things, right. There are some people who are having that conversation and trying to figure it out. There are other people who just, most of us are just scrambling not to drowned, right? Cause we get busier and busier and busier. It's very clear. You are working through priorities.
[00:15:08] You've kind of built in the system that you just shared a little bit about your filters. For someone. Cause there are a lot of men out there who are in the same boat. They're trying to balance. They're trying to figure out how to balance being parents. They're trying to figure out how to be a spouse, how to have a job.
[00:15:25] Maybe they're trying to chase a side dream are right side hustle. I kind of hate that term. It's just weird to me. All of us are, and right. A lot of us are giving up our health to do it. A lot of guys are giving up their physical. Eating crap. I can't count how many years I ate at the gas station. Cause that was just, you know, run through the gas station deli or McDonald's and keep working.
[00:15:46] Right. So how do we start? Cause that is the biggest hangup for most people. A lot of people will get, uh, analysis by our paralysis by analysis. A lot of people will do the research and they dream about figuring this all out. Most people fail to start. So how do we start this process of prioritizing and balancing our life?
[00:16:10] Raj Subrameyer: Wow. So there's so much I have to say on this topic, but, um, let me put that into actionable items step-by-step so that people can start from somewhere. So the first thing is you have to figure out what your priorities. And, uh, what are the things you want to work on? Are you think you want to work on?
[00:16:29] Just take a paper and pen started writing down stuff. Okay. And do this in an uninterrupted manner for about 30 minutes to an hour. No Facebooking, no instant messaging, but write it down. And to be on, uh, on your notepad, different things you're thinking, right? Because all of the things we want to do in life is right over here, but you need to put it visually in the notepad, our summer so that you can start seeing patterns.
[00:16:59] So that is the first step, write down all the things which you're thinking, which you want to do in life that you want to get. You think you want to prioritize, but you think you're not doing well, whatever that may be, just do the. Second step is put a number between one to 10 on why do you think is really important in that list?
[00:17:19] Right? Say if you have 15 things, right. I would just still put any first, the Baptists you want to do put a number one to 10. So say for example, in your list that you have things like you're overweight and you want to get. And, uh, you're not focusing enough time on family, in a famous on your business. Um, you're always stress rate.
[00:17:44] If, say, for example, those are some things that you listed and you'll prioritize that by putting the numbers. The third step is okay, now you put a number saying, number one is I'm want to get healthy because if you're not. And if you're not mentally stable, it's hard to focus on anything. So probably that's where you want to start.
[00:18:04] Okay. So I know that's my first priority. So what am I going to do to get help? Right then start breaking down a big goal into small, small chunks, because remember folks, one of the common problems majority of the people face is they try to rule out a lot of things all at once, and then they get overwhelmed and stress and then go back to the same situation they were in previously.
[00:18:28] And this is a vicious cycle instead. Think about starting simple, starting small, take a big goal. Chunk it down this monster monster monster monster steps. So that is the third thing you want to do. If you want to get healthy, maybe you want to first throw out all the, uh, again, I'm, I'm by no means I'm a nutrition.
[00:18:50] So I'm not an expert at this, but I'm just sharing what I done in my, in my, in my personal experience, which has worked for me, some things I did to become healthy. And then again, uh, You may not know this, but I was 50 pounds heavier, so it doesn't extend. Then I lost 50 pounds in six months. And since then I've been keeping up that weight.
[00:19:13] The way I did that was I had an accountability partner. Um, in my case, it was my wife who was helping to support my healthy fit journey. Then I started reading books about it. Then I joined a program where I could meet with a group of people. And talk about the, the weight issues and the stress I'm going through.
[00:19:35] And then. I had a lot of visual aids to remind me what my purpose was. So I had a picture of myself being overweight, and then I stuck it on different, um, shelves, but Chad, Chad chocolates and chips. Right. So everything I'm gonna have to open. Uh, cardboard or the shelf, my big truck will be there. It's just a constant reminder that you really need it right now.
[00:20:06] So those are some strategies which I followed, but you can figure out what strategies, right? So again, just to summarize what I've said, first one is writing down all the things in your mind. Second thing is putting a number between one and two prior basis. Third thing is for each one start, I didn't think different tasks you want to do.
[00:20:27] And in this case was using an example of getting healthy, right? Then the fourth thing is, but that on your calendar and it will be a constant reminder of how every day it'll tell you every day, what do you need to do? And the way I do this is every week and I spend about 15 to 20 minutes and figure out next week, what are the different priorities for me?
[00:20:51] And then I blocked time already on my calendar. I mean, That's why I joke with people that have Google calendars. Don't my life stops. My entire life actually runs on Hulu calendar. Right? So you have those time blocks, uh, about, say working out Monday, Wednesday, Friday from six to six thirties, that could be a time block, which relates to getting healthy.
[00:21:14] Right? So once you put that on the calendar, And then if you follow this for say 30, 60 days, then slowly you start seeing the effects. Right. And that is how. You could get unstuck. And that is how you could start gradually. And I can remember while doing this things are not going to be perfect, which is fine.
[00:21:36] What you can do is try something for a couple of weeks and then analyze and see whether it is working or not. If not, then tweak it a little bit. And then probably for the next couple of weeks, things you have to be consistent. That is one of the biggest problems where people just it for three days and then give up like going to the gym.
[00:21:53] Right. By the fanciest shoes and shirt and gym membership. How many banks you've seen people they'll go for two weeks and then staff, right? It's the same thing here. So anyways, that is how you strike the giclee, um, uh, accomplish your goals and you can start,
[00:22:10] David Dowlen: uh, I identify with the gym thing. I I've been a gym rat for years.
[00:22:14] And so like January to February every year just cracks me up with the amount of people who buy like a year longevity. And if a hundred people do it by the end of February, 15 of them will still be at the gym and they paid for a year upfront. Right. So, yeah, no, I, I identify with that for sure.
[00:23:21] David Dowlen: We're back with Raj Subrameyer, am I saying that right? Or am I totally butchering that
[00:23:28] Raj Subrameyer: you were almost right. So it's super Meyer. I should tell you why the story about the last, last name, because it's really interesting and take only a minute.
[00:23:36] So my actual name is Superman. It's like the John Smith of India, south India. It's really common. Last name. And I married a Caucasian German, Irish person. Her last name is and we wanted to create our own legacy. So we combined my last name, Subramanian Meyer, and we have silver Meyer. So it's so brown Meyer.
[00:24:05] So that's why. It's different, uh, compared to any name you've heard because we actually combine our last names. In fact, that's why our company name is called trial, epic consulting. I'm brown cheese white, and we have a mocha baby. So it's child, the consulting. We want to build their own legacy. So that's the story behind
[00:24:24] it.
[00:24:26] David Dowlen: I, I always feel bad when I see people's names. Like I know I'm going to get this wrong. I try. And sometimes I think to ask and sometimes I totally, we get started and I totally forget to ask before the show starts rolling and I still butcher it. So.
[00:24:40] Raj Subrameyer: But people can relate to Raj because, uh, you have from the big bang theory.
[00:24:46] And Raj is a pretty common name in Hollywood movies and TV shows and I'm, and Raj has lots of really common in India as well. So, um, in that way, you know, people find it really hard to butcher Raj, but yes, the last name, something it's hard because it's named that the, uh, made up for. Uh, starting our own legacy.
[00:25:07] So
[00:25:08] David Dowlen: we, we are a big bang theory, household
[00:25:13] guilty pleasure. Um, my oldest niece has Asperger's and is, you know, deeply on this scale. And so the first time we saw the show, we saw Sheldon and went, wow, this, this is my niece right here. You know, I, we totally understood his character because of that. So it was very cool for us. See something, uh, a series that was both hilarious and kind of expose people to the idea.
[00:25:40] Uh, there there's nothing wrong with them. They just think differently. And I mean, they're still super intelligent and she is smart as a whip. She just, you know, can get over stimulated very quickly. And so it was just, we fell in love with the show instantly.
[00:25:57] Raj Subrameyer: And you know what the funny thing is. So, uh, I used to do that.
[00:26:03] Uh, stem programs for, uh, young kids, uh, fourth graders, fifth graders teaching them concepts about computer science and math. And they used to come to me and. How come you're able to speak pretty fluently. that much? I said, yeah, pretty much the exact opposite of red scooter folly. But, um, but you know, I've been working on trying to speak to people so that it's okay.
[00:26:32] Right. So it's funny because the first half of big bang theory, rash cooker Bali. I can speak on even the alcohol, right. For me. Yeah. I don't need the outcome to speak. So there, there, there you
[00:26:45] David Dowlen: have the it's very awkward with a B married. It would be a very hard marriage if you couldn't speak to your wife.
[00:26:53] So Raj, let me ask you, what is one thing under a hundred dollars that you purchased this year that has had the most profound impact on your life?
[00:27:02] Raj Subrameyer: One thing under a hundred dollars to purchase the senior, which are profound. So I, um, fell off the boat when it comes to working out due to multiple reasons for a couple of months.
[00:27:17] And I started gaining weight. I wasn't feeling good about myself. You know, my. Uh, stability was all messed up. So, and decided to get back into working out and for the fast seven Meeks I've been working out every single day and I got to love the DS workout shorts, which I've, uh, I think now I've got six pairs of them.
[00:27:43] It's called 10,000. Wow. That is, uh, it's about 67 to $69 and they have a lifetime guarantee. I think I may have one here. Hold on. Yeah, I literally have this over here. So this how it looks and it's so comfortable, it's called 10,000. But folks are listening or watching. They don't pay me to advertise their products.
[00:28:11] So just letting you know, but the point is, this is the best damn shorts I'm worn in my life. And I have some experience of it right now. Uh, but yeah, I started with the one shorts, which I bought one pair of shorts and it was $600. And that has been my best investment this year, I would say,
[00:28:32] David Dowlen: wow. I mean, I don't know the island six of any.
[00:28:35] So that's gotta be a really comfortable set of shorts.
[00:28:40] Raj Subrameyer: Like I lift weights, I do a lot of running, um, played basketball. Um, and then. So Sarah asked me, well, how about the shirt? Funny story. Our interesting story is I can design the shirts. Sally, if you go to skyrocket your career book.com my book website, we were my wife and I had been when I wrote the book.
[00:29:05] And, you know, um, I was really thinking about. You know how to make the best use of this opportunity. Right. And I always love to see people's merchandise and stuff. Right. And I didn't care about the money at all. Frankly, I don't make that much money at all from the merchandise, but the point is I love varying things which inspires me.
[00:29:28] So I'll make sure. Even before starting designing my shirts, everything will have a quote or it just inspires me because I'm a sucker for motivational codes every day. I want to be inspired. So I said, you know what, let's just design our own shirts and merchandise. So yeah. Uh, this is something which I use quite often.
[00:29:47] Let's do epic shit. I think that's what life is about. And, uh, yeah, we have t-shirts hoodies hats, and I have a lot of. Uh, there are quotes, which I mentioned, which I use quite often, uh, conferences and, you know, uh, for example, it could be a legend. You need to do legendary work. Right. That's something I firmly believe in.
[00:30:06] And those things are all designed by me. So yeah, you can definitely go check it out. So this one is mine, but the shorts is from a third party company. Okay.
[00:30:17] David Dowlen: So you talked about you're heavily reliant on your county. Uh, to help you stay organized. And you know, that's something I've learned in the last year is I live by my calendar.
[00:30:28] It's to the point where I like I schedule in slots where this is my time with my children to make sure that I
[00:30:35] Raj Subrameyer: as a father.
[00:30:36] David Dowlen: Okay, good. I'm not the only one.
[00:30:39] Raj Subrameyer: I do the exact same thing and you know what? We go, one step further. Mayor, mayor, my wife and I have shared calendars when someone schedules a meeting.
[00:30:48] Uh, for a podcast interview or a TV interview, right? I mean, Google calendar, it's a shared calendar. So I know whether that actually has a conflict with another family meeting to have. So then I could say, Hey, no, this isn't going to work for me. So I highly highly recommend, uh, if you have a significant.
[00:31:11] You probably want to have shared calendars as well, have your personal account under your significant other has have another personal, their personal calendar, but also have a shared calendar. And that way you. W why do each of those schedule lists and then you can plan your life accordingly. And so that's why I was saying literally our lives run on Google calendar.
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[00:31:32] David Dowlen: I understand Sarah and I, uh, and for all of us listening, my wife does all the video work in the background. And you guys can't hear, but she's in the back making the video portion of this work. So that's why Raj was responding to her about the Sheriff's.
[00:31:48] Raj Subrameyer: Yeah. That's how I was seeing their response on the Jacqueline though.
[00:31:52] Sites.
[00:31:53] David Dowlen: Yeah. She's over here culminating while we're talking that Sarah and I have shared a calendar for years, right. We on Google calendar for years and years, mainly just so I know what I'm looking at. My calendar. Okay. I screwed up. I don't have her schedule built into my scheduling calendar because the scheduling calendar is a new step for me having that.
[00:32:15] Uh, I Calendarly. Uh,
[00:32:18] Raj Subrameyer: ah, so I use Calendly. Yeah. And candidly, uh, syncs with your Google accounts. Right? So Carlene and I, my wife and I, we have a shared email address and all our house stuff, everything goes in that email address and yeah, I have my personal g-mail and she has her personal email, like Calendly.
[00:32:41] You can sync it in that way. There's no conflict. And even your business. Uh, fathers at set cadence based on your personal calendar. Right. So I know it works in candidly, but yeah, if you use another scheduling service, then you have, there's something you probably want to figure it
[00:32:58] David Dowlen: out. No, I think I used to say, I think I used calendary.
[00:33:01] I have set to. Match my Google calendar, but the way we share our calendar, I can see hers. It doesn't necessarily block it on my schedule unless she's meeting requests. It's not like we're using the same exact one. I can just see hers and she can see mine. So I think I need to go in and adjust that in calendar really to make that work.
[00:33:22] So I don't schedule this over. I hadn't thought.
[00:33:28] Raj Subrameyer: And what I'm talking about is Cameron Lee. So the two different applications.
[00:33:33] David Dowlen: I'm lost maybe.
[00:33:37] Raj Subrameyer: Oh no shit. Sarah said she, she, you, you folks are using commonly as well. Okay. We bought the tracking number, the same application. Okay. It is possible. Okay, cool.
[00:33:48] David Dowlen: Yeah.
[00:33:48] See, this is why my wife does the smart stuff. She works in the background and make sure I don't screw it up too badly. I just can't say that.
[00:33:57] Raj Subrameyer: That's hilarious, but yeah. So, uh, you definitely, uh, um, scheduling stuff on your calendar. Um, really. Uh, date time, right? Date, time with your wife. Like, so we don't have family in Chicago and Carlene and I daycare for a kid. So when the scheduled date time, where say a friend comes in and, you know, uh, babysits our kid, no he's going to do next.
[00:34:27] I mean next month. And so we will schedule a date nights and stuff on the calendar as well, so that we are mindful of. Quality time with our significant other, right. So everything goes on the calendar then now I know there are certain people who would say, man, you have a schedule and your personal life.
[00:34:49] Yeah. Then it's better than not spending time with your significant other because of other commitments. Right. And I need you to schedule. You are actually making time for it. So, you know, that is at least better than not, uh, spending time because it was not there in the calendar or you just forget it.
[00:35:11] Right? So those are some things you really want to think about.
[00:35:16] David Dowlen: I felt weird the first time I put it on my calendar that I just blocked out Wednesday afternoons for after my normal nine to five job for time with my kids. Okay, this is one day. I'm not going to come home. I'm not gonna turn on the computer.
[00:35:30] I'm not going to check email from the time I walk in from my normal nine to five job till they go to bed. It's theirs. Right? And I felt really weird the first time I put that on the calendar, but that has helped me make sure that I am spending the time as I need to, as a father with my children. I think people underestimate how valuable, such a simple thing, like a calendar is.
[00:35:54] Raj Subrameyer: And I think it's even more relevant in this day and age where everyone is working remotely, um, from the kitchen tables, from the living rooms, right. And the line between your actual work and your personal life as blurry, uh, quite a bit. So you really have to have. Strategies and boundaries to respect the time during work hours.
[00:36:18] Make sure you do any work during family hours. Make sure you do when the family thing, when you pray to mix both, that's when things start getting crazy. So again, why someone do that first thing, which I've mentioned, which is always focused on one thing. When you sit, focus on one thing, right? We live in this day and age where there's so many distractions, uh, including our digital media, like our phone.
[00:36:43] How you, and you would have observed people are on Dateline and both of them are their phones. Then why are you on a date? Right. And if they say this to someone, then they think I'm the real person. That's, that's the era we live in right now. Um, you really need to be mindful, be present and be focused on what you do.
[00:37:01] That's when you become highly productive, that's when you, you, you pay more attention and notice the things you probably may not notice if you're on your phone. Right. So. Scheduling everything. And then, uh, focusing on one thing and setting boundaries is really, really important.
[00:37:21] David Dowlen: I think, uh, scheduling in on your calendar actually, lets you be more focused in the moment on what you're doing because you know that that time is just blocked for this.
[00:37:32] And so you can be more present in that moment because you know, oh, well I'm going to take care of this other later, but this is just a. I think calendars are under utilized for that.
[00:37:45] Raj Subrameyer: And it seems like your wife had a great idea. Sarah said, switching, creating, babysitting, uh, has really worked for you guys.
[00:37:53] What she's saying. I think that's a great idea. Um, yeah, something definitely to think about. Uh, COVID and stuff like that, you know, it's become even more, you know, you have to go one step further and see what worked for people and all that stuff here to go through. But, um, that, that's definitely a great point as well.
[00:38:13] Something to keep in mind.
[00:38:18] David Dowlen: I am sure you understand, as a young father, like I am super particular about who takes care of my. Oh, yeah. I'm actually almost more OCD about it than my wife. Is. She trusted a lot more people with their kids than I do. I'm super over-protective. So that's, uh, you know, something that's been valuable for us.
[00:38:39] It's a short list. Yeah. Before we keep rolling guys, question of the show, cause I've got to ask, share on the comments. What do you do to try and manage and balance all of the things in your life? We all Raj and I are talking about it very openly. We live by our calendars. I'm sure a lot of you do too.
[00:39:00] Even if you don't physically like actually write it down on your calendar or digitally, put it on your calendar. A lot of us are forced to live by a calendar. So to some extent, so how do you, what are some of the ways you use to try and manage and balance the, all the things that are going on in your busy life?
[00:39:18] Sharing the comments guys. Share and help the community because, Hey, you may have a great idea that you do that someone else hasn't tried yet. So be sure and let us know.
[00:39:27] Raj Subrameyer: There's one thing I wanted to mention related to that question. So Carly and I weekly have family meetings every week there. For 30 minutes, we actually sit together and think about, okay, what are the different things going on next week?
[00:39:44] What are their different commitments, individual commitments in couples commitments, then who's going to drop our kids to daycare. Who's going to pick, pick up our kid and then who's going to cook. What foods are foods, uh, options are we going to have, right? Because we also want to not. Getting food every day from a restaurant we want to want to cook.
[00:40:06] So then what vegetables do we need for cooking? So we actually go through our budgets and everything in the 30 minute session, we call it the super Meyer family meeting. And we had been doing it for around five years now. And it's worked wonders for us because knowing what's coming up in the next week and.
[00:40:27] Knowing what to do next really helps to ease the stress, especially when you have a lot of responsibilities like families, right? So that is what. Do, uh, consider another thing is having morning routines also helps where you'll wake up in the morning and try to do the same set of things again and again and again, and then it sets you up for success for the rest of the day.
[00:40:50] Like for example, I do meditation. I try to work out, I do a minus. Every day to figure out, okay, what are the things I need to accomplish today? And then it helps me get some clarity, right? Because I control life like a Netflix movie watching a Netflix movie. How many times? Heavy decided to like have a date night, right?
[00:41:12] And then you want to watch a movie and you, this is what happens. You'll open Netflix. And then there are millions of recommendations. Then you get, keep scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and then take 45 minutes to actually select the movie. And then by the time you started watching the movie, it's about an hour.
[00:41:28] Right past the actual time. You want to watch a movie and then halfway through your feet asleep, and then you go back there, then you go to sleep, just watching half of the movie, how many things people have been in that situation? The answer is almost every fricking time let's because we don't have a plan.
[00:41:47] But think about that, another situation where you exactly know what mommy you want to watch, you sit together at 8:00 PM, watch the movie enjoy with, with popcorn or beer or however you enjoy a movie. How was that experience compared to surfing through what movie you want to watch for an hour? Right?
[00:42:07] That's where I'm talking about our lives are like that as what lives are like that as well. Where if you know, what is. You know, you have lesser stress. You don't waste time when thinking about what to do, you know what to do, right. So that is the difference here, folks. That's what I'm trying to, you know, uh, mention here with just, you really need to think about, um, giving lesser stress to your mind.
[00:42:33] And some of the things I'm mentioning does help to reduce the stress.
[00:42:39] David Dowlen: I think a great deal. You mentioned earlier that. You know, we have seasons. I was looking through your bio and the information you put in your profile about various accomplishments and things you've been doing over the last, I think since about 2010.
[00:42:55] And it seems that you kind of set either a yearly or almost half yearly goal to really kind of dedicate yourself to, is there a process of that as far as you know, is that a yearly goal? Bye yearly goal. What is, what do you, what are you doing there? There's the purposeful, yes, that's a
[00:43:17] Raj Subrameyer: great question, actually.
[00:43:18] So, uh, every year, uh, usually in the mid, the mid week of December or the last week of December. I think about three to four or even a week, actually a black the entire week, just for planning mixed here. Right here are some things they do in that week where I don't work. But I think about what were the things that accomplished this year.
[00:43:42] One of the goals, which I wanted to accomplish this year and what I accomplished. Didn't I accomplish, right. So I do an analysis and then I figure out, okay, what are the different things I want to do next year, which is going to bring me joy and we're just going to impact other people. That's what I live by.
[00:43:59] And that's why I do what I do. They impact people. Right. So I think about this. In an old bag, the number then between one to 10, you see there's a bathroom here where everything is, is saying, so number then between one, two, then one to 10. And then I pick, pick the top three to four things I want to do the next year.
[00:44:18] Right. And then, um, I usually at five buckets, which I kind of mentioned the health family. Both and personal development bucket. And in each of those Ireland, five different things I want to do. So it's a whole planning exercise for four or five days. And then I come up with this whole goal set of goals for each of these buckets.
[00:44:40] I call them buckets. Right. And then I come up with a national plan. Okay. What are the different tasks I need to do? Do you accomplish those goals? And then I map that to the calendar for the entire year, or at least for six to seven months. And I plan out the whole year in that one week. And of course, uh, the best he can do is plan it out.
[00:45:04] But as we know, you're going to get a lot of unexpected things which comes in the middle. Right. And then you just have to keep shifting things based on what comes your way. But. The year with the big audacious plan with actionable steps, is this really helping you to set yourself up for success? And that's what I do.
[00:45:27] So that'll be end of December. And then I do a mind map. A mind map is just like a flow chart and individually, tell me what goes, what are the task? And then stick that on my wall. And it reads. I look at it and know what my purpose is and what I really need to do. There's no guessing here. I really need to know, I know what to do.
[00:45:48] For example, this year I knew I wanted to give BB interviews. I knew I wanted to do TEDx docs and knew I wanted to do a group coaching program and knew I wanted to keep working on promoting and letting people know about my book. I knew I wanted to do workshops. I knew I wanted to do an online course.
[00:46:06] Those were the six things which I identified and literally. I did the five things. And the sixth thing is my online course, which is coming up in the fall. Right? So nothing is ad hoc. Everything was decided last December. And I'm just executing the plan step by step that one week you spend is going to really help you to ease the stress for the entire year.
[00:46:33] So that's how I've accomplished 90% of my goals in the past four years, because I. My structure guy in the sweater they do.
[00:46:43] David Dowlen: All right. So you wrote a book called skyrocket your career, the no bullshit approach to find your dream job be successful in it, transform into a rockstar. That's a really long title.
[00:46:56] How did you land on that title?
[00:46:59] Raj Subrameyer: It is literally my life, right. So I got to buy. Um, what I had to go through in my life and venue think about advancing your careers, right? It's it's a cycle it starts with trying to figure out, okay, what Java options can I apply for? What. Why am I here? Why do I need to do in life?
[00:47:21] You have to answer those questions. And then once I didn't pray the jobs, then you signed a plan for it. And for a plan, you need a lot of strategies. You don't do it ad hoc. Again, you have to have a strategy. Once you applied for Jeff, he can interviews how he is interviews. Once you get the interview, then you're going to get the job offer, and then you have to negotiate a salary.
[00:47:41] Okay. Now you've got the job with the record south. You want to start work, how to be successful, right? Then once you are successful now, how to set yourself apart from the competition, there'll be a star performer. And once you become a star performer, how to set yourself for exponential growth. So it's a whole job.
[00:48:00] That's what I call it. So I wanted to let people know. Just from the title, like what the book is going to cover. Right. And I don't bullshit at all. And the point is, uh, I hate, you know, beating around the Bush. I just give you the strategies. I'll give you my personal experience of what, how, how I face something.
[00:48:19] And then one of the strategies are followed and how you can apply it in your real life. Literally a 99 page book, a full strategy of the entire job life cycle. So that's one of the title to reflect that. And that's why the subtitle is the no bullshit approach to find your dream. Be successful in it and into a rockstar.
[00:48:39] But yeah, the main title is skyrocketed career, but because that's literally what the book is about.
[00:48:45] David Dowlen: Guys, there will be a link in both the YouTube video and the show notes to Amazon to get that
book you're interested in checking out. See what Raj has say there. The book is doing quite well on Amazon. I saw that congratulations on that success.
[00:49:00] There's a lot of competition on that, on that platform. So that's cool.
[00:49:04] Raj Subrameyer: And just, uh, four days ago, um, my book was awarded the silver metal, uh, in. Best nonfiction book category by meters. Favorite. So just like how we have Oscars for Molly's and Emmy's for music, you have reader's favorite for books and mine was voted among amongst thousands of books as the second best book in the non-fiction category.
[00:49:30] Right? I think I have the metal here. I actually got it, uh, for, uh, four days ago. So. Yeah. So this, the said this.
[00:49:45] David Dowlen: That is very cool.
[00:49:47] Raj Subrameyer: Yeah. Silver metal. So yeah, the book has been doing good and thanks to supportive people in the community. Um, I have over 170 reviews and, uh, Yeah, it's been impacting people and I'm very grateful.
[00:50:05] People are noticing it, uh, been doing a lot of TV interviews as well. Um, based on the book, in fact, this morning, I finished it in TV with CBS, Arizona, and uh, back in, uh, but again, different career related stuff. So, yeah. Thanks for letting me share some info about that as well.
[00:50:25] David Dowlen: What is next for you?
[00:50:29] Raj Subrameyer: My big thing is, uh, so this season was dead X season.
[00:50:34] So I was laser-focused on, um, giving a kick-ass that pack. And I have my second one to Saturday. I already wrote the third one. I already have the content, but my main focus with on May 2nd, that, that. Um, I, September 25th, um, the next goal after that is launching my online course because a lot of people have been asking me about it, and that was one of my goals.
[00:51:03] So I'm going to spend the next three months working on mailing course and launching it probably beginning of next year. So that is my full focus.
[00:51:15] David Dowlen: Okay. You have this beautiful website. It is Raj subra.com. That's H www.rajsubra.com. Raj, is this the best place for people to get in touch with you and find out what's going on or where else?
[00:51:38] Raj Subrameyer: Oh, yeah. So on my life's work can be found here. And if you see at the top, you have the link to my book website as well. My book website is skyrocket career book.com. Um, there you can download the first chapter for free as well to check it out and. Yeah, those are the two places you could connect with me.
[00:51:58] Yes, but this is my main website. You'll find how I help people, uh, links to different publications, podcasts, interviews, um, facts and contents, which is going to really help you for sure. And also make sure you connect with me on LinkedIn because I literally. Um, LinkedIn. So I, if you follow me every day, I post content related, all these different topics that we just talked about.
[00:52:24] I have videos and a written content. So if you follow me, then you'll get that in your feet and just connect with me in love. Um, you know, hearing more stories and, uh, connecting with people as well.
[00:52:37] David Dowlen: Thank you so much for taking the time to be on the show today, guys, we have. So much with Roger today, he's just shared so many actionable steps.
[00:52:45] And I really appreciate that. That's one of the things I like to do on this podcast. So thank you for structuring your answers, actually that way, giving people things they can take home today and start making changes in their life. I really appreciate that. I'm sure our listeners will really appreciate that because most people would like say, just get hung up on where to start.
[00:53:05] So guys, listen to this a second time. If you want to, or if you need to take notes. Okay. Raj is giving you some gold to get started in whatever direction you want to go. Thank you for taking the time with us guys. Be better tomorrow because of what you do today. And we'll see you on the next one.