The Fallible Man

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A Different Kind of Man a different kind of Lifestyle


Real Talk: Conservationist, Criminal, Coach, Dad. You won’t believe it’s not Hollywood


[00:00:00] David Dowlen: If we were to watch your life as a movie, would it be interesting? I mean, we, we all kind of hope so. Well, my guest today has a story that's honestly more interesting than any Jerry Bruckheimer movie. One day, I imagine we'll probably end up seeing part of it on the silver screen. If he gets around enough, Aaron Young has lived a crazy story and he wants to help you in your life with what he's discovered on his journey.

[00:00:22] So let's get into it today. Be better tomorrow because of what you do today. Guys, welcome to the fallible man podcast. My name is Brent, and this is your home for all things, man, husband and father. And I'd like to welcome Aaron Young to the show

[00:00:39] Aaron Young: today. Thank you, my friend. It's a pleasure to be here. It's very humbling to hear that intro.

[00:00:46] You might be nervous. I've never, I'm not usually a nervous man. Sweaty Palm literally said, um, it's just cause it's humbling. So thank you very much for the intro. Almost pop the tea.

[00:00:56] David Dowlen: You're joining us say from Brisbane, Australia. Is that correct? Yeah, that's correct. Yeah. Okay. So for reference, for all of us who don't know the real world, we're aware real well, where is Brisbane in Australia?

[00:01:07] Aaron Young: Okay. So basically I'm on the east coast of the country of Australia and I'm up towards the Northern side of that east coast. So I live on a place called the sunshine coast and it literally is because it's sunny all the time, all year, and I'm not robbing Indian guys. And I'm 30 minutes from the beach heaven on earth.

[00:01:25] Very grateful for it, too

[00:01:28] David Dowlen: great chance to do some research and look at some of the stuff you put out. I looked at your YouTube channel and found that today, uh, looking for some of your videos and I read the incredible story on, uh, the app. We used to meet up and set up this interview, but I'm a horrible podcast.

[00:01:46] I just, because I don't think that really actually introduces people. I can read off credentials all day. Listeners are like, so tell our listeners who is Aaron Young in your own words, who do they,

[00:02:04] Aaron Young: oh, wow. You know why? Because I've been trying to write this, you know, I'm trying to do this PR thing and this media thing, which I'm just not a very good self promoter and you try to write my life into a condensed version. I'm going to use some terms here, which I'm not really comfortable with, but I think somewhat so myself, I'm a survivor of early childhood trauma at the hands of my mother and an abductor, I then went on to turn these experiences into a lot of fear and anger, which I think many men turn fear into anger.

[00:02:33] If they've been through a situation like that, then turn criminal, then turn drug addict, then cleaned up into drug drug addict again, then learn, that my, my biggest addiction was relationships. And actually not drugs or alcohol, but then I turned Explorer and then I left Australia 2004, you know, and I traveled the world middle east and Africa, became a conservationist purely by accident.

[00:02:57] I'm an elephant and lion behavior specialist. I'm a farmer, which is another new one. You could throw it in there as well. So what are we up? We've got criminal conservationist. And as we know, in the end, after farming, I became a fugitive. So firstly, I was chased by authorities. Then I did two prison stints in Africa, two separate prison.

[00:03:17] Stints jumped borders illegally, in between two countries to see my kids. Yeah. And now, I'd say I'm a life coach or a mentor or not really comfortable with that phrase. I'm a guy who turns all that stuff into gold for others. I want to inspire action in people's lives. I'm a little bit tired of seeing a lot of it.

[00:03:37] The books and the, and the podcast that basically talk, and encourage us to talk. And what my idea of this is, no, I want you to get up off your ass. I want you to listen to something and go, you know what? I'm inspired to take action because in my life, that was when I took action. That the things that the things changed,

[00:03:55] David Dowlen: all right, well, that actually got into more of your story, but I was looking for who are you like?

[00:04:02] I mean, you're Aaron Young, right? Who is Aaron Young, your everybody's a product of their experiences. I mean, we definitely are, but today, who are you? Why, why do we, should people listen to you? You have an incredible story. What makes you, you,

[00:04:24] Aaron Young: geez, you put me on the spot. This is where I'm not very, cause I'm not very good at this.

[00:04:28] This is where you asked me to look and really talk about what I value in myself. And what I value is, I'm an incredibly courageous and humble person who was gifted with an incredible set of life experiences that I turned into the positive. So everything I just rambled off, that was a little brief expedite on my life.

[00:04:50] I can stand up and talk to you about the benefit that every single one of those experiences gave me. And I turned the hopeless in dope. That is what I do. And I do that because I've been into those situations and I felt the hopelessness and I know the waste through it.

[00:05:07] David Dowlen: So you're in trouble. Cause I watched some YouTube videos earlier.

[00:05:11] I was watching the review on a weekend. You did with older gentlemen, from Northern Australia, talking about making them go in on themselves actually. And so now I know you're capable of it. So I. Yeah. Cause I

[00:05:25] Aaron Young: know you can do it. Yeah. And it is. And I'm glad that it's what I need to do more of. Because as I said to you, I'm very blessed I about my life and I need to stop doing that because if one thing adversity and challenge has taught me is that once I serve others with it, it becomes a life that is a thousand fold.

[00:05:44] And I become a messenger, not through ego, but through sheer presence. And I think that's what we're here for many of us. I mean, I know that's why you're here. That's what you're doing. And I'm still learning how to do that via things like questions like that, where you put me on my ass and throw me off a little bit.

[00:05:59] Good. And I'm glad I need it.

[00:06:02] David Dowlen: I didn't understand the reference to NTD at four

[00:06:07] Aaron Young: NDE, need to experience

[00:06:09] David Dowlen: near-death is experiance and then kidnapped at

[00:06:12] Aaron Young: five. Yeah.

[00:06:15] David Dowlen: And then when you even made a comment about, it was a great thing that happened to

[00:06:19] Aaron Young: you. Yeah, it was, and, and this is what I do with experiences like this.

[00:06:24] So I need that experience in a nutshell was, my mother was an addict suffers from some pretty severe mental health issues. She had me very young at around 18 and probably the worst time in her life. I cried a lot. So I watch her in her words. She basically shook me till I stopped and then threw me on a bed and left me.

[00:06:42] She didn't come back for about three days. So I remember coming through, out of that. I don't remember the shaking, obviously. I don't think many kids at four member sort of succinct depth to that, but I remember coming to them being hungry for, for those three days. So that's my first, first early memory.

[00:06:56] The abduction was a local, a local kidney area. I lived in the heroin capital of Australia. Sadly. It was pretty rough neighborhood who tried to molest me, abducted me, dragged me off into the Bush, tried to molest me, didn't realize what he got himself into. And I fought like a cat, so that didn't happen. But he left me in the Bush until that late that evening.

[00:07:14] Came back in and threatened to kill me and kill my family. I've ever told anyone. So the power in both of those experiences now at 47 is in how I see and perceive the world around me and perceive other people for much of my life though, understand it was a big negative because I was hypervigilant. I was a mind reader.

[00:07:34] I was always looking to see hidden purpose in everyone's words and everyone's meaning their body language. I was always reading. So as you can imagine, when it came to people that kicked me distant, but when it came to the work I did in some of the jobs and some of the career choices, it was incredible because I was 10 times your average gone, but it was certainly not a healthy way to live my life.

[00:07:55] Now I'm able to use my perspective. I see the world, which is that I see the beauty in every single situation because when you see death or when you experience the face of it very early, you take every moment as shit.

[00:08:13] David Dowlen: So fast forward so years, right? You said life of crime in your teens and drugs, and then you ended up in Africa, right?

[00:08:23] And South Africa, you said you started, and then you moved up to Zimbabwe. Is that correct? And somehow became an accidental conservation. So we'll get to that in a minute. And in Africa you went from conservationalist to farmer, to criminal because you weren't willing to play the crop game there with the government.

[00:08:45] And you went through the Zimbabwe jail twice, some prison there twice. Yeah. As the only white man in the country are in the prison and the country, that country at the time with a corrupt system, trying to set you up to all, they finally ended up having to drive you from the country. Yeah. And your children are still there.

[00:09:13] Seriously, man, your life is a movie it's, it's incredible, but you have this drive to help people with those experiences. And so

[00:09:26] Aaron Young: yeah, you look, you can't allow the stories or the things that happened to you to drive your life. So I can't take the early needeth, the abduction. I can't take all these experiences and wear them as a blanket to become a victim because then I become a dysfunctional member of society and God knows we've got enough of that already by embracing the situations, by being able to perceive them and see the positives in them.

[00:09:53] I become connected to the world around me and I'm able to actually look at people in a sincere way and understand how they feeling and what it is that they need to overcome their own stuff. So it doesn't matter whether it's a prison study. It doesn't matter whether you got smacked as a child, or whether you had a teacher that treated you poorly.

[00:10:08] It's not the volume or the height of the story that matters. It's how you look at it and how you use it. And so for me, my biggest motivation now is to show people that in hopelessness is a fallacy. This is a mental concept. You know, hope is basically how you think, knowing if you're breathing there is always hope.

[00:10:31] And what I think has happened is we've tend to come to a point in our existence where, um, we give up hope very easily. And I'm the guy who steps in and remind you that you're in control of your life. And it's the actions that you take today that as we know, you know, because what you do today, just looking, you just caught back on and I've got, you know, tomorrow because of what you did today.

[00:10:55] And the truth is, is w whether you stay at your center to my son's, he's actually the truth. I've got a birth. The states, I'm a walking example of what is possible, no matter what is thrown at you, how dare I not use it?

[00:11:11] David Dowlen: Have you considered like, you know, writing your life into a script and selling the movie rights,

[00:11:17] Aaron Young: man, you know how many times I've been honest and how many authors have tried to come and get me to write a book?

[00:11:21] And you know, like I said, I'm not a self-promoter and it's something that these podcasts I'm hoping will teach me to understand my story better, because I think just in Africa is probably as a movie and a story. I just need to learn how to see it in that way. Because again, I'm just, humility is my greatest strength, but also one of my greatest weakness,

[00:11:40] David Dowlen: but I like marketing is a big weak point for me.

[00:11:45] I'm horrible at marketing my podcast because, in JK Rowling said it really well in the Harry Potter series where they're like but Harry your a wizard and he's like, I can't be a wizard. I'm just Harry. Right. I mean, I had this mentality about it myself. I was like, but I'm just me, right? Um, no, I was just thinking I've seen some movies with much lamer plot lines, so, yeah.

[00:12:14] And, that, that might help your movement with some of the stuff you're trying to do. Right. Added

[00:12:18] Aaron Young: funds for me, it would, because the truth is I'm on a mission now to really understand and visit, I guess men's mental health. I mean, it was mental health for all people, but what I started to realize is that my story probably relates more to physical challenge in, in, in sort of the perspective of your average mile than it does to your average woman.

[00:12:38] I translate men for women, but in my actions and my life, I probably work better with men. And, you know, I think the idea of looking at what we're doing with the mental health system, which is basically just , prescribing and prescribing in the face of this pandemic, It needs to be questioned. And I think it's people who've lived and challenged adversity really got their hands dirty who has the right to stand up and say, well, hang on a second.

[00:13:02] I can tell you that any depressants are the long-term fix. And beta blockers are not the longterm shore. If they stop the cycle. Great. But at some point we need to type back ownership of our mental health. You can't dial them on and expect to grow. It will keep you stuck and stable, but, um, it won't allow you to grow.

[00:13:25] And what is our journey here for we heated repeat the same day over and over again, or are we here to launch ourselves every day into the prospect of learning something new growing? And as you are a better dad, but a partner, but a businessman, but a man, or, you know, if the case might be better, That's how I am.

[00:13:46] That's why I wake up in the morning. And if I carry all of this experience as a blanket around my decision, poor me, I'm a victim. Then I am now pouring negative energy out into the world. Everywhere I go touch everyone with

[00:13:59] David Dowlen: that. We have far, far too many victims. I'm not sure how we got into this victim hood mindset.

[00:14:04] It seems to be a rate raise these days. I'm going to ask you so you've traveled extensively. I didn't see much in your, uh, information about your time in the middle east, but you've traveled extensively compared to most people.

[00:14:20] Aaron Young: Yeah. Yeah. I spent most of my younger years in Asia, so Thailand, also south Pacific and Fiji Kiribati, Tama, and, um, Laos and then Cambodia and then, you know, the middle east as well for a few years.

[00:14:33] And then most of Southern Africa. Yeah.

[00:14:36] David Dowlen: So with all the world travels, I've got to ask, I I'm a foodie. What is the most interesting thing you've gotten to eat in all your travels?

[00:14:44] Aaron Young: Oh, well, can I be honest about this? the most interesting and sort of the most horrifying at the same time probably was lying, eating lawn.

[00:14:54] Yeah. I mean, for a short time, I worked in a hunting camp in Madison beacon, and a client should align. And in a hunting camp in Africa, you tend to have many different tribal backgrounds. Some of them will eat certain meats, some somewhat, and one of the guys I lawn and he bought it to me and said, do you want to try it?

[00:15:09] And I was like, no, I don't really want to, but I did. So it's probably the strangest zebra would be another one. That's an interesting one, giraffe. Like I said, I'm not, I'm not very comfortable sharing that because if I look back at, I mean, turn me into a conservationist at work, but when I look back on it, it doesn't make me comfortable to say like those animals, but it's the truth.

[00:15:31] David Dowlen: People want to, it's amazing how many people want to get away from the darker moments and their history. And just, I met so many who were like, oh, you know, I regret that time. Or if I could go back and change, I wouldn't change anything. I have made my share of mistakes and I have some parts of my past.

[00:15:51] I'm not real comfortable with, but at the same time, all those moments contribute to who

[00:16:00] Aaron Young: you are now. Yes. You know, you just might, we might've good point concert. We both saying it. And then there's a really good word to hone in on here quickly because when you're uncomfortable Your, you have, you're being gifted and opportunity to learn when you're comfortable.

[00:16:14] Not a lot. grows there, you have easy, it's easy to get up at conference call because you've got everything you want. And you can repeat that same day in comfort forever. When you're uncomfortable. If you look back at your life, that was when you took, you hit the T junction and you went shit I'm going go left this time.

[00:16:31] I'm not going to go back into that so uncomfortable. It was good. And it's one of the things I teach, man. You know, I take him in the Bush and all broken in all of the lifestyle for them and I'll push them because in that discomfort, men start to see that primal side of them and understand how powerful they truly are.

[00:16:47] It doesn't matter whether you're tall, skinny, short, big, muscly guy. It doesn't matter. Power comes from it. And he says, that's econ in your chest. Doesn't come from in your muscles.

[00:16:58] David Dowlen: Well, we all are a product of the experiences. Good and bad, but they all contribute equally. And so if you start to, you know, I don't have to like everything I've chosen to do.

[00:17:09] You don't have to like everything you've chosen over your life, but it's brought you to where you are today and the person you are and the person you're trying to be. And so people like, uh, I don't know, it's, it's, it's part of the whole package because if you made one choice. You could be an entirely different person than who you

[00:17:28] Aaron Young: are today and you don't have to be proud of it, but you can't design.

[00:17:32] You cannot design it. And this is why, like, I'll say it I'm uncomfortable in saying that I did it. But when you asked me the question, the truth is that was the strangest things I've ever eaten and now I'm not comfortable, but then like you rightly pointed out, I wouldn't be sitting here right now doing this podcast.

[00:17:46] I wouldn't have these beautiful children, Al not with me. I wouldn't have this beautiful partner. I wouldn't be living in this beautiful part of the world during what is one of the craziest times in our history. Right. You know what I mean? I'd be, I'd be in a country where people were still dying in the hundreds every day, you know, so, and I'm able to set something up and I'm also able to do what I'm doing here, which is offer my experience to other people, to hop, to give them some hope or to rattle them and have them think twice about that.

[00:18:13] Ease and comfort, you know, step into it. It's a little dangerous.

[00:18:17] David Dowlen: So how do you accidentally. Start working in elephant lion conservation, just

[00:18:29] you

[00:18:29] Aaron Young: stumble into, well, I do stumble. This is the thing, or I stumble or I'm creative. I'm not quite sure the magic trick to how I create the things I do. But, so I was hunting in Mozambique by accident. I went to do a farming project in Mozambique that failed. And so I ended up in a hunting camp. So I ran this hunting camp for a while and I was quite in love with the idea of, you know, olden days hunting and these, you know, explorers running across Africa.

[00:18:54] And what I quickly realized is that hunting in modern Africa is pretty much also a slaughter attitude is kill it before someone else does. And so what I was introduced to was this idea that there needed to be a stronger voice for conservation. One that wasn't attached to government and wasn't attached to big NGO, which is the nonprofit not-for-profit guys.

[00:19:17] I ran into a gentleman in his seventies who used to be a national parks and wildlife officer in the Zimbabwe government. He was one of the last, a white gentleman to leave government service. He trained me to be a tracker. He trained me to do, uh, gain capture. So this was game capture, restocking national parks.

[00:19:32] I learned how to, you know, mobilize treat animals when I was sick and move them to different countries, cross border. And that became my day-to-day. What happened was as I got closer and closer to these animals, I started to see their applied and I got involved with the relocation of eight young elephant to China from Zimbabwe by accident.

[00:19:52] Wasn't something I was involved with the organization of, but I was at the tail end of the logistics of it. And I saw these animals being shipped off and it broke my heart and changed my idea and concept of what was happening in Africa with wildlife completely. I woke up three months later and decided to start saving animals.

[00:20:10] So I heard stories of animals being shot under PAC rulings, which is a problem animal control ruling in Northern Zimbabwe. So I took the authorities to task and went to war with them and said, you can't continue to do this. I'm going to come up there. And I'm going to find a way to teach these animals to stay away from town.

[00:20:27] If I can keep them out of the towns, will you stop shooting them? And I said, Jeff, sure, good luck with that. So we invented some systems to teach these elephants to stop. They're all migratory routes. Stop coming into the town because if you enter this town, you did. So we invented a chili resin and homemade PVC, plastic guns, and we chased the elephants around the town, shooting them with incredibly potent chili resin, which stuck to their skin and taught them not to come through town.

[00:20:52] And we were incredibly successful. And that's now used through about four or five different African countries. Then just blacks. What was happening as lions were being shot, the frightened center, because as soon as the lion kills cattle in Africa, it's considered a nuisance and a problem. So instead of them being shot again, I stepped in and said, guys, let's, let's move them.

[00:21:10] So I worked with teams of vets and we would literally go in trap them or mobilize them, bite them. So put a bite up and bring them in and then mobilize them and move them to a new location to try and save them from being destroyed. So, you know, I don't have any background in any of this. I literally on the job training, it was and taking advantage of opportunities.

[00:21:31] I almost said, do you want to do this? And I, I never said no,

[00:21:35] David Dowlen: that's, that's incredible. One of those things, just like how, you know, you included some, pictures on your profile. And for the YouTube version of this, I'll add some of those in, uh, for our viewing audience where they can see that too. You have some great shots, rescue animals looked like you were transporting the lion and one of them and, working on an elephant, they got caught in a snare and another one, which

[00:22:01] Aaron Young: is just, and it sounds it's beautiful and this beautiful stories there's done.

[00:22:06] And there's tons of footage as well. I showed a lot of at sky news and there's quite a few internet radio shows in the states that picked it all up. And it was all in this idea of giving these animals a voice, but also educating, without throwing mud on any of the other not-for-profit organizations in the world, it's become an industry.

[00:22:23] And I started to see the damage that was doing to the cause in money, instead of it going to actually operations and helping these animals in the field or educating the locals to stop wanting to kill them. It was going into fleet to brand new vehicles. You know, radio towers, a bunch of shiny looking stuff, but there was no actual work being done.

[00:22:41] And, you know, I like to be a Crusader. So, you know, it was just one of those things that I took on board. And I just, I wanted to inspire my children at this point too, though, incredibly young. And I wanted them to be inspired by my actions, not by my words, which is as soon as I was a father and a parent, this was the first thing I wanted to give them coming from my background.

[00:22:59] My idea was, you can't tell, I can't tell them what to do, but I can certainly show them because kids don't learn by what we say. They learn by what we do.

[00:23:09] David Dowlen: Aaron, you've had a lot of experiences to draw from including some really rough events in your life. When we touch on those, the first part of the show, things that would crush most people because we live in society where victimhood is not only becoming more normal, but it's championed it's.

[00:23:27] I don't know why we're encouraging this behavior, but most people would crumble over just one or two of the things. I mean, being jailed in a foreign nation, being kidnapped your, your life has just been one event after another. How do you develop the fortitude to be strong enough to be stronger than the situation you were faced with?

[00:23:53] Aaron Young: You know, it's an, it's a beautiful question and it changes. So, I'll answer it from like post kids because it did change because prior to that, I was motivated by survival and this is anyone who's faced early childhood or trauma will know you get wired and built to survive. And so those situations that, which we so-called crush other people for me, or almost part of my adrenaline addiction.

[00:24:19] And then it sounds crazy, but this is the whole idea that you attract and create what it is that you want. And because of those early childhood experiences, I think early on in life, this is what I was, was absorbing and bringing towards me. Once I had kids, though, that completely changed. You know, I decided to drop the selfishness and that was the life-changing moment for me up until I had children.

[00:24:42] I didn't have any responsibility towards anyone. And I kept people at enough of a distance that I never really owed them anything. So I was able to continue to move as I needed to. And as long as I stayed heart-centered or compassionate and kind, I felt it was okay to keep moving. Once I have my kids though, I dropped this officious and I was forced to have a good, hard look at myself.

[00:25:02] And what I've done is in a very corrupt way. I'd taken those childhood experiences and I'd used them to propel myself and I'd created an immense amount of positivity, but the corrupt side of it was that it actually used them as a negative fuel inside me to be incredibly selfish, keep the water at a distance and to just motivate me towards a never-ending series of explorations, adventures and exams.

[00:25:26] Oh, once you have children, you, you can't live like that. For many reasons. If you continue to, you're basically gonna produce children who follow in your footsteps. But for me, what was most important was that I was now an example. Let's just talk. My daughter was the turning point from my daughter was born.

[00:25:44] I was the man. She was going to look for later in life. If you stop and you sink that in and I'm addressing men here, but this is could be my little female. This isn't about just being a man. I was the example that she was going to look up to. So it was very easy for me to look at all the situations that I was going through.

[00:26:04] And even the ones from the past in a very different light. Now I've got that choice. Do you want to silently be that victim? Do you want to fuel yourself with these negative energies and drive yourself forward and show your kids that that's the way to live? Or do you want to stop dead still, you know, turn around and look back and go through each one of those.

[00:26:26] And learn to understand the positives and the benefits. What's the positive to my mother, doing what she did four years old. I respect life in a heavy way. And when I look at a child, the stand, how precious every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day is to a child's early development because I did it.

[00:26:46] I was robbed of that. What did I get as a benefit from being abducted at the age of five, I can connect with anyone with any story of trauma and look them in the eye inside and out. No, that's not a benefit for me helping others in the world. I don't know what it is because when you can truly empathize and connect with someone through empathy you can truly help them.

[00:27:09] If you try and do someone from a place of book learning, or I read once about trauma softwares, and I can tell you, this is what happens. You're not going to get very far. I can deal with these people from a place of understand. What is the benefits to me being a drug addict tomorrow? Well, once again, empathy, and also one thing drugs and alcohol will teach you is when your knees are about to hit the floor and when you're on the bones of your ass and you've got absolutely nothing to look forward to, there is only one choice and that is to move forward and up.

[00:27:41] Yeah. Or slowly decay in Dawn. So for me, I can turn every single one of these experiences into gold. You know, that, that's my inspiration and that's my offering to the world now. And it's something that I'll wake up every single day, learning how to do better is the reason I do these podcasts. And so reasons I'll connect with anyone at any point, because I believe I was blessed with the life of had so that I can offer a sense of understanding for people who feel alone.

[00:28:11] David Dowlen: Guys, I want wanna, I wanna dwell down on, on something he's saying right here, and that is perspective, right? I asked about fortitude. How do you choose to survive? And he chose to have the strength to survive because he gained perspective on the situation and perspective is something I talked about a lot on my channel, but perspective is the difference between I'm a victim or now I can help somebody I'm a failure or success.

[00:28:42] This didn't work, or this did work, right? I mean, there's a famous quote. I didn't find, I didn't feel a thousand times we found a thousand ways not to make a light bulb, right. Edison Thomas. And if it's perspective, anybody else might've said, man, it failed. I failed. And I failed and I had a bad experience.

[00:29:06] I had an unpleasant experience. I had an uncomfortable experience. And instead of letting it break you, you had enough perspective to say. It can make me stronger. It can make me smarter. It can make me more capable to help people more capable to help other lives. And a lot of people who have trauma tend to want to focus inward and be like, well, I need help.

[00:29:34] I need help. And I said, you went, I can help others. I can offer other people comfort and understanding because of this and that. That's an incredible,

[00:29:47] Aaron Young: yeah. The victim, the victim is so selfish and this is why I believe we live in a, in a crumbling society. And I think it's why we becoming more and more disconnected.

[00:29:54] I believe it's why we rely on screened TV, evasion techniques, whether it's gym, drugs, alcohol relationships, whatever it is is because of that. Very reason. Uh, I think we're just trying to find a way to disconnect and be more and more selfish. And I think that this is what we need more. Community leadership is people standing up and being selfless and having this idea that my life is to serve and give back because as, as a man, and I'm just speaking for my selfie, that's the ultimate gift is to be able to stand, stand peacefully and sustainably with men around me in this community here and offer them a safe place that they can go back and look at their trauma.

[00:30:35] And remember trauma, as you just pointed out beautifully is about perspective. Someone can watch their dog get hit as a boy, someone can get abused and it can be the same reaction in their body. All right, this is not about, who's got the biggest burns trauma doesn't work like that. Everybody is different.

[00:30:52] You know, I use glasses as perspective as a set of glasses. Now, another thing I want to quickly touch on, you can take those glasses off at any time. Put another set on perspective is ever changing, just because you've got a perspective now that you were a victim and that it feels hopeless and you're lost in 30, 60, 90 days.

[00:31:11] You can flip that and you can re look at each one of those experiences and actually have them standing exactly like mine do there. Isn't it, isn't a case of it's a dating and you listen to us talk and it's like, oh yeah, this all sounds great, but I can't do that. I'm 45. Now it's too far. I'll be doing this on 47.

[00:31:29] I only started really working this shit out when I was 40. Yeah. So there is never too late, never, ever too late. And the work and the things we do are simple, but you've just got to be prepared to, you know, as Brent said alter your perspective, take the glasses off

[00:31:48] David Dowlen: and you, and you brought up the point perfectly, right?

[00:31:50] You said a lot of things changed when you became a father, right? The old reasons didn't work. The old perspectives didn't work. That is something it's an incredibly humbling experience when you become a parent, because it alters your perception of reality forever. No, I actually make you, you said that I make a t-shirt.

[00:32:12] I told you we were talking before the show started that know one of the things I do is make t-shirts this one, the one you're wearing. I have one that says a memento Mori, right? The famous phrase, it says, but under it says, live your life at such that your sons want to be you and your daughters will accept nothing less than you.

[00:32:34] Aaron Young: It is. And man said, she was for me, I can't believe anything true. I like, for me, it's even more pertinent because my kids are stuck back in Africa. You know, when I had to leave at gunpoint, when they deported me, I wait to these sorts of sayings, you know, because I'm literally being forced, fortunately separated from those two children.

[00:32:54] And I don't get to be that daily father, like, like to, so I send them videos every day. And I talk about the basics that I can at a young age about these sorts of things, because, um, that, you know, that's probably my last hurdle in life that weighs on. Is how to be, I want to say the ultimate parent because we're, we're not perfect.

[00:33:13] You'd no human is perfect, but I want to be the best damn version I can write for them. And then ultimately what I've learned over time is that needs to be for me as well.

[00:33:25] David Dowlen: This podcast was born out of that realization. I wrote a blog and I think I even did it as a podcast at one point called don't.

[00:33:32] You want to be Superman? My goal in life as a father is to set the bar so high that my daughters will voluntarily not settle for subpar men. I want to set that bar just so stinking high that anybody they bring home has gotta

[00:33:50] Aaron Young: be halfway through. Yeah, no. And I agree with you and what have you, and you know, some people would sit there.

[00:33:55] Oh, you can't eat. Yes, you can do that. That is the why he, because how we lead by example is how we affect the world around us, not how we talk. So you can tell your daughter don't, you know, don't go with a guy that does this and don't do that. That's not the way it works. She's going to look at you and you've on the surface.

[00:34:11] You pretend to be something and then behind closed doors or something else also understand that children see the world very differently and you cannot pull the wool over their eyes. They live in a world that is driven by energy and connection. Something that we've forgotten as adults. If you think that you're hiding something from your children, you better think again very quickly because you are not hiding a single thing.