Are you confused or annoyed with “toxic masculinity” culture? It has become a hit phrase that lumps all men into one category based on the very worse example of males. In this video I am going to share with you what men are and what they are not.
Over the last decade the world has decided to focus on the negative aspects of men behaving badly as the “norm.” Such antics have become headline news and men have been harshly judged based on outliers that choose to act out or behave badly. It’s as absurd as punishing all the boys in a 4th grade class because little Billy acted out.
This kind of group judgement has moved on to bigger groups and more ridiculous levels in the last couple of years. Yet we have come to the idea of “I had a bad experience with a chevy cavalier, so therefore all cars are bad” is a reasonable notion. If you think that is absurd or that I am exaggerating all you have to do is reflect on politics this last year.
People have been judging entire groups, sometimes millions strong by flimsy labels. “All Republicans, democrats, liberals, conservatives, leftist, right wing, libertarians, etc are bad!” fill in the blank depending on your political beliefs but no matter where you land, to someone else you are a bad guy because of what party you are loosely associated with. Most of those terms don’t accurately represent anyone.
That is the way men are treated. Men are bad because some men are. It’s time to clear somethings up.
1. Men are a bit stoic. Boys are not!
The simplest beliefs of stoicism is the concept of self-control and fortitude in dealing with emotions. Specifically, negative emotions, but true stoicism tends to cover total control of emotions, not just bad ones. People these days go on and on about men showing emotion and that being ok, the problem is that people tend to want men to show emotion in the same way women do. Men are not designed that way, our brains work differently and we process emotions differently than women. That is okay by the way.
Men however learn to master their emotions; this is not to say men should suppress them. Instead we master them so they do not master us and find a healthy way to channel and process our emotions. Boys are dominated by their emotions and prone to lash out and recklessly let their feeling be expressed in unhealthy ways. This is immaturity, not a disorder and men are to help boys learn to process and control. My father let me work out my anger issues splitting wood with an axe in our yard. God bless him for it. It gave me a way to control my anger and was good exercise. Men also tend to get into touch with their masculinity through solo activities such as this.
2. Men are Secure in themselves. Boys are not
Much like a lion does not have to walk around the savannah bragging about being a lion, men who are men do not need to act in such a way either. I have had the great privilege of knowing many fine soldiers and quite a few special operations people. I never witnessed them express the need to assert how very dangerous they truly were.
Sure, in passing conversations sometimes it came up with friends, usually brought up by friends. In good natured competition with other groups in the military, there is always the competitive pissing match. It is always in good humor. Never among the masses though. Men who are secure in themselves draw women and men a like towards them, it’s like gravity. Among a group of people, it is rarely necessary to ask who the core of the group is; a little observation and it becomes clear. Boys on the other hand are still fighting for dominance, still establishing their own self-worth and security. They are the ones you see act out in stupid ways trying to prove themselves. It is immaturity and will fade if they are encouraged into being who they are meant to be.
3. Men embrace Honor, Integrity and Humility. Boys must still learn these virtues
I did a whole podcast on this Called “The Every Day King” you should check that out. ( ----> ) These are virtues that are a core part of who men are. Going back to our most noble virtues you will find that men who stand out own these virtues. They are virtues that must be fostered and nurtured into boys, however men were meant to develop these virtues as all men become the very best version of themselves as they develop them.
4. Men Stay Grounded. Boys are blown around by the winds of life.
The first podcast I ever recorded was about this “Episode 1 – Stand on a Rock” Men develop a foundational belief system that hold them secure in the crazy ever-changing world. For some it is something like “God, Family, Country” others it becomes a more deeply defined. Core beliefs that weather every storm and give you an anchor point in reality. Something worth fighting for and staying the course. Something that holds even in the covid era, that keeps your feet planted so you are not easily swayed by all the trials. This takes time to develop. Boys change direction and stance more than they change their underwear. They have not found their way yet, this is once again just immaturity as that grounding takes time and experience. Although you can be raised with a grounding, so it can be achieved with a healthy male role model (a Father)
5. Men adapt. Boy’s panic
Men learn to be adaptive to life and situations. We know that only change is constant, and we must grow to not only survive but to thrive. Truth be told, most men don’t like this fact, but come to know it. Men know that they will have obstacles in their path. This goes back to point one to some extent, our ability to not let emotions cloud our judgement allow us to look at what must be done, and course correct. Without it, you will fail. Boys hit the change and panic; they freak out about how it will ruin everything. They don’t know how to stay calm, and course correct. They only see one path. They do not know how to overcome obstacles. It is something you will come face to face with time and time again. Use your stoicism, be calm, adjust, grow, learn, and move forward.
A lot of the negative traits you hear people go on about will be corrected when people grow out of immaturity. There are a lot of people who are “physically” men yet still act like boys; some people mature slower than others and some never have the help to speed up the process. A good Father in the home will expedite the process.
Don’t confuse immature boys with men, they are not the same thing. These masculine traits are universally masculine traits. They can be honed, taught, and built and in real masculine men they are.
The Fallible Man
Be better tomorrow because of what you do today!