Don’t Become Roommates!
If you are anything like the rest of us, then you have probably gotten busy. It is easy to understand. Life is busier than it has ever been, even though some of the things we are busy with are really not necessary. Those things aside, there are more things fighting for your attention than ever before. Factually, your attention is the greatest currency ever.
Don’t believe me? Ask Facebook, Amazon and Google. Your attention is the currency they traffic in to make billions of dollars every year. Even your devices are designed specifically to hold your attention and have addictive properties. For more of a look into that check out our Podcast: Episode 17 and 18. https://youtu.be/C1MHCs6SqDk
The problem is, aside from these things there are many normal and great things that demand your attention. Work, bills, home maintenance, church, sports, workouts and the list goes on as you add in kids and the things we referenced above. This is the world we live in and it is not going to change.
One particular problem that arises in this situation seems to be damage to a healthy relationship. You start strong early on wondering how anyone ever grows “distant” in such an amazing relationship. As life happens you don’t worry about it because you have a healthy relationship and life keeps happening. As life happens you have to make some choices as you chase it all, so you make strategic choices to make sure you have time to be a healthy couple. You assure yourselves that you have a strong relationship and that a little time lost here and there is just a little time and part of the requirements of life. You were right, by the way. Eventually you have to do some things separately and your schedules don’t line up as perfectly as it did in the beginning. As life continues to happen you have to be more independent as your careers bloom or maybe your family grows, or both.
It can happen so fast that you don’t know it is happening; you comfort yourself and say that your marriage is strong and can handle the sacrifices of time and togetherness.
My wife and I have been through countless classes, lessons and seminars over the years. Some of them together and some independently, we were raised to value marriage and our health as a couple. Life continues to happen. We have always talked about prioritizing “date night” but we always end up with the intention to make it a regular thing. Life happens, it is the first casualty. We are just like you, we don’t have all the answers, this is not that kind of blog as we are still working on this very thing. Work, business, children, responsibilities, volunteer work and family time are all part of the insane mix. Yes, I included family time because as a father I tend to prioritize family time with any free time I have. I always feel like I don’t have enough time with my children, so I overcompensate by focusing any free time on family time. I have rationalized that family time would nurture the same needs as “date night” for my wife and I’s marriage.
Spoiler, it doesn’t!
Factually I have been the one who was more uncomfortable about leaving my children with someone so my wife and I could go out. I have a protective streak about my girls that only a father understands. Maybe protective to a fault in this case.
Several blogs back I did a blog about cheap dates on a budget (Click on the Picture for that one)
My wife and I have done those as well. In the current covid era it becomes even more complicated. With so many places locking down going anywhere, much less out somewhere nice is becoming increasingly difficult.
Here are a few things to think about.
What benefits does going out for a date provide?
What is accomplished on the date that makes it valuable?
What can you do currently that will incorporate those answers?
So let’s answer the questions and see what we can do to make all of our relationships better. (Feel free to write in your answers below, I would love to see what you think!)
What benefits does going out for a date provide?
It removes you from your daily routine
It removes you from your daily surroundings
It removes you from daily stresses
It suspends the norm
2. What is accomplished on the date that makes it valuable?
It provides privacy for conversation without distraction
It allows you to suspend your “day” mentally (at least a good date does)
It changes the perspective through which you see things
It puts the focus on the relationship
It eliminates interruptions
Now it is your turn, the last question is the most important and the most personal. I can’t really answer it for you because I am not you or your significant other. My wife and I can take coffee, pick up some burritos from our favorite spot and go to the gun range. This is an amazing date for us. That may not be the ideal date for you and your spouse. You know what it looks like, now answer the question.
3. What can you do currently that will incorporate those answers?
The Fallible Man
Be better tomorrow because of what you do today!