S02E45 The Fallible Man Podcast

Welcome to The Fallible Man, podcast, your home for all things, man, husband and father, we provide content, help men become the men. They want to be. My name is Brent and I am the fallible man. And today's show I'm talking with businessman, husband, father, and fellow podcaster, Brian Hamilton, Brine and his wife, Tonya have are the founders and hosts of Disrupt the Everyday Podcast.

[00:00:47] Welcome to the fellow man podcast.

[00:00:50] Brine Hamilton: Brent, thanks for having me. It's a pleasure. And uh, I am excited to have this

[00:00:52] conversation.

[00:00:54] David Dowlen: I, uh, you have a very unique name, sir. I've never actually heard someone's first name.

[00:01:00] Brine Hamilton: Well, there is a story behind it, as you might imagine. I was actually, I'm actually a junior, so I'm named after my dad and on my dad's birth certificate, it was filled out for whatever reason by my great-grandmother who's Irish.

[00:01:10] And the story goes that she wrote Brian the way she said it. So it was Brine instead of Brian.

[00:01:17] David Dowlen: Well, that's a good, that's a good story. I like that. It's a good explanation. Yeah. I, I read it and I had to read it a couple of times. Like, am I reading this right? Was that a typo? Uh, so I feel better now. I was like, Hmm, I'm going to screw that up sometime in this episode.

[00:01:32] Brine Hamilton: Well, for us not discussing it beforehand, you nailed it.

[00:01:37] David Dowlen: Oh, that was a better start than some of my shows. So, Brine, uh, I appreciate you taking the time to be on the show today, reaching out to us on vacation. That's a, that's a lot of dedication, uh, but you know, I, I don't read accolades. I, I get a little chance to research you guys before the show, before you're on my show and see what you're doing.

[00:01:57] And, and one of the coolest things about podcasting as you know, is I get to meet a lot of really interesting people, but our guests never really, truly, I mean, I can read accolades all day and it just doesn't click. Right. So who is Brine Hamilton?

[00:02:14] Brine Hamilton: All right. Well, Brine Hamilton is a husband and father of four.

[00:02:18] Uh, my wife, Tonya, and I just celebrated 14 years of marriage, uh, actually last week. So, uh, exciting time for us. Uh, also, uh, aside from that, uh, in terms of my work life, I am a system engineer with Amico software, and I'm going to go with a company that focuses on incident reporting software. So we serve the law enforcement community, public safety, and my background prior to that was 15 years in the security and.

[00:02:40] Primarily in the healthcare space. Uh, I'm also a podcaster. So I do host, uh, three podcasts as the, after mentioned, disrupt the everyday podcast, the health care security cast and the proactive security podcast. And also I serve as the president elect of the international association for healthcare security and safety, which is a, it's an industry association that focuses again on healthcare security.

[00:03:03] So that's been a passion for me for a long time and it's, uh, it's, it's, it gives me an opportunity to really contribute to my industry. So I've really been enjoying that role. Um, and I guess if you want to talk about accolades, uh, last year in 2020, I was named to the Canadian security magazine's top 10 under 40.

[00:03:19] So, uh, that's, that's me, in a nutshell, a husband and father of four is a, you know, the, obviously the reason why I'm on here, man, father, husband, and you know, that, that kind of sums up who I am in a nutshell. And I'm just, again, excited to have this conversation with.

[00:03:33] David Dowlen: So, this is where I teach you about the cookie cutter answer, because on your podcast, you'd eat somebody alive for that, that, that was like straight off your bio man, but who, who is Brine?

[00:03:44] You meant, I appreciate one of the things you brought up when we were talking, uh, setting this up was you emphasize husband and father and man working on personal development. Right. Uh, which of course caught my attention because that definitely feeds to my audience. Um, as you've been on this discovery.

[00:04:04] Right. And, and I don't want to get too far ahead of myself cause I'm going to, if I just wonder here, that's why I take notes. But, uh, so let's roll into that too. Tell me where you are. Because like I said, I read your bio, but tell me where you were. What drove you to change? You said you didn't really get into personal development until you were 30 and you wish you had started.

[00:04:24] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. So I guess, you know what, I'll go back to, you know, I told you who I am, I'll tell you who I was 16 years ago. So when I was 23 years old, at that time, I found myself in a position where I was actually, you know, in a bad financial state, I was bankrupt. I just went through a divorce. And, you know, there was one point where I actually contemplated taking my life.

[00:04:42] I remember I was driving home from work. It was on the highway. You know, it was just one of those times where, you know, I felt like I'd hit rock bottom. Uh, and you know, I was just like, I could, I could end this all right. Now it was like, I could end this all, you know, it looked like an accident and, you know, no one has to see or hear from me again.

[00:04:58] And I'm kind of out of this rut that I'm in, but for whatever reason, I decided, you know what, no, I've just got to, I've got to make a change. I've got to make things better. So, you know, I just, I started on the journey then of just trying to grow in my career. I was already working in the security industry.

[00:05:13] I started taking on more roles. I eventually met Tonya who's my wife now. And you know, from the moment I met her again, it's going to sound weird because I had just went through a, through a divorce, not too long before, but I knew that she was a person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So for us to be able to get married again, I was bankrupt at this time.

[00:05:31] So there wasn't a, I didn't have credit. I started working a second job and eventually a third job. So I was working two full-time jobs into part-time jobs so that we didn't have to go into debt for our wedding. We were married within two years of our first date. And then from there, uh, the, the job that was actually my third job at the time was as a, as a security professional at a hospital in downtown Toronto.

[00:05:53] So I started working there. I very quickly got up to the point where I was a, we called it a charge officer, which is essentially the equivalent of a shift lead. I was working night shifts and my goal was always to get into, uh, get into policing. Uh, but you know, looking at it, I realized it wasn't really the life for me.

[00:06:11] And then once I had my first. I realized the night shifts that I had been doing for a couple of years at that point were, were tough. And I wasn't going to be able to do that. Long-term so I was like, you know what, edit focus on management. I'm going to focus on growing in this industry. And, you know, by that time, when my son was born, I was 27 years old.

[00:06:30] So again, I started working on myself, but it was really, I was just, I wasn't doing a lot of the things that I do now. I was just trying to just figure things out by following the work path. Like I was, I just tried to be really good at my job and hope that would lead to the next thing, but it, you know, it took me, it took me into my thirties and having, you know, having a set of twins after my son too, to really realize, okay, I'm going to have to take this more seriously.

[00:06:52] And I'm going to have to find other ways to actually grow in my career. So that was, that was kind of what led to the change for me. I started doing a lot of different things, which I'm sure we'll probably get into as we have this discussion. But, uh, yeah, when I just realized that what I was doing wasn't enough, I was like, okay, I'm going to need to do more.

[00:07:10] We'll we'll kind of go down there. We'll go down that rabbit trail. I'm sure. But I, I, you, you probably have some follow-ups just based on what I said,

[00:07:17] David Dowlen: it's amazing what a catalyst kids are. Isn't it? Oh my gosh. Yeah. I, I talked to so many men. I feel very privileged to do that.

[00:07:27] I've watched so many men whose lives have changed drastically. Once you added children to the equation. Um, guys that you just, I mean, you looked at and you're like, wow, he's going to kill himself before he's 21. You know, you add children to the situation and all of a sudden this person that you're like, I'm amazed, you're still alive.

[00:07:48] Um, all of a sudden becomes a real person and it's not that they weren't real person before, but their perspective on the world changes drastically. And all of a sudden you have to take a really real look at your life when it's not just you and you. That's I love, I love that story because it's very relatable story.

[00:08:10] Right? Any of our listeners who have ever had kids know exactly what we were talking about, this is a moment where you just go, oh, I, uh,

[00:08:23] Hmm.

[00:08:25] Brine Hamilton: It's not all about me.

[00:08:26] David Dowlen: Yeah. The world just changed a lot. I have a coworker I worked with for years and years and years. And I watched him go from the 20, some odd year old who hated it.

[00:08:39] When all of us start talking about our families to getting married, I had, it was very, to me, it was very privileged because I got to watch this journey. I worked with him long enough that I watched him get married. And then he had a son and he started acting really like, sounding like a real person. And you know, the first time he actually asked some of us like, Hey, I have a question.

[00:09:02] My son did this, is that normal? Should we be? It was like, oh, you're real. Okay. And then I just had the privilege recently. He just had a daughter about five months ago. And when he found out his wife was pregnant with a daughter, it drastically like, I mean, he looked at me, he's like, how do you do this?

[00:09:25] Because I have two little girls, I have a seven year old and a nine year old. And he looked at me. He's like, how do you even look at the world? I said, and not worry about everything. And automatically think every guy has a scumbag and automatically just like, want to run around with a gun and going, stay away from my kid, stay away, stay away.

[00:09:45] And he's like, yeah, I, you know, I had a boy and I didn't think anything about it, but I said, you know, you have a, you're having a girl on now. It's another dimension added, but fatherhood is just such a joy. I've enjoyed that with a lot of the guests I've gotten talked to with, and this, this is great.

[00:10:03] You're in Canada, right? You're in Ontario. So what you said there, there's no way our paths would cross normally, except we have this amazing world of podcasting and the internet. So I got to ask you the most important question in the show here. Okay. What is your favorite ice cream?

[00:10:20] Brine Hamilton: My favorite ice cream.

[00:10:21] So, uh, it's funny. I think my favorite ice cream is this, you know, we have this place, I don't know if you have it in the us, but a marble slab and they make this coffee, ice cream that I, that I quite enjoy. So there's that, that, or any, any kind of, any kind of ice cream that uses that, those, those peanut butter and chocolate cups and the,

[00:10:40] David Dowlen: we have something called a cold stone.

[00:10:44] Brine Hamilton: And actually we have, we do have Coldstone here as well.

[00:10:46] David Dowlen: So same idea.

[00:10:47] Brine Hamilton: It's like, yeah, very, very similar

[00:10:50] idea. Uh,

[00:10:51] David Dowlen: I think I've actually seen a marble slab back before. Forever ago when they close the border is what it seems like. Now we we'd go up to Vancouver, Victoria and BC every now and then. So that, that, that is the important universal question, man.

[00:11:06] Cause everybody loves ice cream. I know people who are lactose intolerant, who can't eat ice cream, who still just like torture themselves with ice cream and weak spot for some of us got a little extra because of it.

[00:11:21] Brine Hamilton: It doesn't necessarily agree with me either, but, um, yeah, I'd have a hard time turning down a good, uh, coffee flavored ice cream.

[00:11:27] David Dowlen: It doesn't agree with me cause my waistband gets bigger.

[00:11:33] So I was reading your bio. And you said that you would like to help at least one person, if, if one person not make the same mistakes that you faced in your life in hindsight, you know, what, what are a couple of those that you really want to be able to help men get away?

[00:11:54] Brine Hamilton: Yeah, well, number one is just understanding there and there's a lot of them, but number one is just really understanding your finances.

Find me everywhere by scanning the code with your phone!

[00:11:59] Because again, I talked about being bankrupt early on in the show. I didn't really understand finances as a young person and got myself into a lot of trouble from that. So, you know, really take the time to understand finances right now. I'm, I'm making sure to educate my kids on finances, make sure they understand saving, make sure they understand just they have no priorities around spending money.

[00:12:18] So if they want to spend money, there's a certain amount that they have to put into their long-term savings. So again, it's just part of that education, you know, as they get older, teaching them to have a credit card, not for the purpose of just spending money, but actually just to build credit. So have that paid off, don't actually carry a balance.

[00:12:33] So things like that, like just important lessons that probably every man should know, but I feel like a lot of us don't really get taught. I know. Didn't get taught those lessons. Oh, but yeah, in terms of that, um, personal development, again, just take the time to get better and think about the, uh, the long game, not the short game.

[00:12:51] Just think about making those small gradual improvements everyday and letting it compound again, even with finances, when you talk about you, you talk about compound interest and things like that, it works the same way for developing skills. So you don't need to be over and you don't have to have overnight proficiency, but just work on something, build slowly.

[00:13:07] And, you know, by the end of a month, by the end of the year, you'll see that you've developed a great deal in that skill. But I guess as far as the man thinks, um, just know, just understand to be content in whatever situation you're in. That was something that I learned from my dad. He really, he really modeled that in his behavior.

[00:13:24] He never really got too high on the highs or too low on the. Uh, he, you know, he, he understood and I guess he understood this better than I did as a young person. I understand it now, but whatever situation you're in, it's eventually going to be over. So you just need to, just to endure and be content with the situation.

[00:13:42] as it is

[00:13:44] David Dowlen: man it's like talking to a mirror. I swear to God, we, you would think we've had these conversations. I, 2020 was a huge year for me financially because I had the dawning realization at 40. So I waited another 10 years, a 40 on how little I actually understood about finance. I didn't know anything about it.

[00:14:04] And I don't blame my parents or anything because my dad didn't know anything about money. They weren't ever taught about it. Exactly. Right. And then I started thinking about it. I realized we aren't taught this in school. I went to public school and I'm generally a fan of public education. For the most part.

[00:14:20] We don't teach us. They didn't teach me anything about money in school. I got a notice from my company, 401k. And up until that moment, a 401k was something they said in the interview and it didn't mean anything to me. Right. But they said they would making some changes and sent me a link to my email. So I thought, Hey, I should sign in and see what I got clicked on it.

[00:14:42] And the company that hosts our 401k from my company happens to be the same one that hosts the 401k from my previous company. Okay.

[00:14:50] Oh, thanks.

[00:14:51] Yeah, that, that was really convenient, but it was earth shattering because I looked and I was like, oh, that must be my, okay. That's my old company account. And I see it sitting in a money fund and I didn't know what the money fund was.

[00:15:05] So I what's that. And they roll this over. I had been at my new company for six and a half years. Would that money for all company sitting in a money fund now it was safe. And if you guys don't know what a money fund is, it's, it's a very secure, but you aren't going to make anything on it. Like it it's embarrassingly.

[00:15:28] It's almost about as a savings account. And so for six and a half years, cause I didn't know anything about it. That money sat there doing nothing for me. Yeah. It was like, oh, and then, so I started asking questions and studying and looking up stuff on the internet. It was like, I don't know anything about this.

[00:15:47] Where are my other 401ks? I know I've worked for other companies that have them were all those that I should try and figure that out. Right. I mean, my 401k jumped, I think $130 in value, just investing it in something other than the money fund, like instant return, just, just putting in an investment as opposed to sitting there.

[00:16:10] And so, yeah, 2020 was a huge year and I actually did. I have a four or five video series on my YouTube channel about teaching your kids about finance, because that's something that I started this year. Yeah. I actually pay my kids to read books about finance and business, my seven year old. And my nine-year-old I've found age by an age-appropriate books and they have to read them and do a book report on them.

[00:16:35] And then I pay them and they have to invest 30% of it in long-term investments. They have to donate 10%. They get to keep the rest. But my nine year old knows about, uh, shipping and receiving and light tariffs. And she's never paid taxes in her life and she knows they're horrible. Right. Uh, because it's like, I had this, it's like, okay, I'm 40.

[00:17:03] I don't know how much I can do about it, but I can start making sure my kids don't end up here. Right. Yeah. So I did a whole series with them. They have a business, they make t-shirts on rebel and sell them kids for kids, Zions kind of stuff. It's, it's awesome. But it's all part of it. I don't care if they make money.

[00:17:21] It's all part of educating them on stuff. I didn't learn until I was 40. Right. So if this is just such a common ground, how many of us guys, if you're listening to the show, man, comment in the comments, how many of you were never taught anything about finances? Seriously, share with us because wow. It's I am seeing this common thread with people.

[00:17:46] I talk to you just, we're not taught about money and I don't understand why not. Right. You would think it's kind of an important

[00:17:56] thing.

[00:17:58] Brine Hamilton: Yeah.

[00:18:00] And it's interesting, like my dad, same idea. He didn't teach me about money, but it's again, because he didn't have that knowledge himself either. And you can only write.

[00:18:07] You can only give what you, what you have to give. Right. I know one of the folks I interviewed his name is Jeff Martin, but one of the things he said when he was on our podcast was, you know, don't give your children what you didn't have give them what you didn't know. So, and I, and I think we kind of coincide there.

[00:18:23] We're trying to do that with our kids and instill those values in the,

[00:18:26] David Dowlen: so tell us a little bit about what the disrupt the everyday podcast is. Go plug your show and tell us what it is.

[00:18:33] Brine Hamilton: Absolutely. Okay. So the disrupt, the everyday podcast is a podcast that again is hosted by myself and my wife, Tanya. And we don't have one specific topic that we, uh, that we've focused on.

[00:18:43] We focused on a broad number of topics. So our first guest was Barbara, Colorado. So who's a parenting expert. She's been on Oprah. She's been on CNN, all the three letter networks, essentially. So she was our first guest. Uh, we followed that up with a talk about relationships, where we had Andrea and Jonathan Taylor Cummings, who are a TEDx speakers, and they they've published a book recently called the four habits.

[00:19:04] It's focused on the four habits that are necessary in any successful relationship. So we talked about things like relationship finances, which we've been talking about, personal development, uh, self-awareness communication, pretty much anything that you can imagine. So basically the goal for the disruptive everyday podcast.

[00:19:21] Folks can come to our website and there's a long-term goal, but folks can come to our website, whatever it is that they're wanting to learn about, or maybe they're struggling with, they'll be able to just do a quick search on our website. And they're going to find a podcast episode. That's covering that.

[00:19:34] And at the end of the day, they're going to learn something and they're going to have another resource that they can reach out to in that

[00:19:38] guest.

[00:19:39] David Dowlen: You, uh, you guys have some really interesting guests. You've had some good ones on there. I was listening to one. You did. I want to say three or four episodes back, maybe five, uh, on resilience, uh, female guests, uh, who has a podcast or something herself.

[00:19:55] She has a pretty big following listening to her talk, but it was, it was a really good show, man. I, I enjoyed it.

[00:20:01] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. Yeah. Resilience is my superpower. It was called.

[00:20:04] David Dowlen: Yes, that's it. That's the one. I was actually listening to that earlier at work, because I wanted to get an idea of how you guys flow on your show because I'm always trying to learn, right.

[

00:20:14] Because I don't know that my podcast is the best podcast or my format is the best format. So. When I get to talk to other podcasters, it's like, oh, well, how do you guys do your show? And I saw, I want to listen to that a little bit. And, uh, I told you, I was really misfiled by the whole who is on your bio. I was like, we start our shows with the question who is like, what is that?

[00:20:35] I want to know more about what that question is.

[00:20:39] Brine Hamilton: Yeah, exactly. And when we ask that question, sometimes it's a really quick, like 32nd answer. Other times it's a 10 minute answer depending on what the person's comfortable sharing about themselves and what they really, where they want that conversation to go.

[00:20:51] A lot of times is going to be really dictated by what they say in that, in that who is,

[00:20:56] David Dowlen: well, it's one of those scary questions for a lot of people, right? Most people, you know, I asked you who is Brine Hamilton and it's like, you you've got some experience because you've done podcasting. I've got some people I've asked that question too.

[00:21:13] And it's like a deer in the headlights look just instantly. They're like. What have you done? Uh, uh, I had a guest on podcast episode. I published this week. I had Aaron Young. If you get a chance to get Aaron Young dude, you should get him for your show. He's incredible. You can hook him up on pod match that we both use, um, spectacularly interesting individual, but I asked him, I was like, so who is Aaron Young?

[00:21:41] And he's like, oh, wow. I I've been meaning to work on that question because I've been doing a little more promotional media and I really still, I need to come up with a good answer to that by just, I'm such a bad self-promoter. And he took like 10 minutes to answer the question because he's trying to fill it out as he goes, because he's a, he's a really deep thinker and it's really obvious when you talk to him, he's like, ah, not, not ready for that one.

[00:22:09] That's okay. The ice cream question through him off even more.

[00:22:12] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. The ice cream went. And when I heard you ask that and I was like, okay, I'll, I'll be ready for this one. Hopefully.

[00:22:19] David Dowlen: Oh, see, I cut that out of a lot of the podcasts episodes, a lot of the public doesn't don't hear that. I actually ask all my guests that I ended up cutting it out of the show for time usually.

[00:22:28] And so I get a really deer in the headlights. Look on that one too. It was like, uh, where did that come from? It's true. It's ice cream. It's important. You just have to understand.

[00:22:39] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. You got to get your priorities.

[00:22:40] David Dowlen: Life is, uh, you know, I, so I can only assume you're incredibly busy. You and your wife both.

[00:22:47] Right. And you have multiple kids to do. One of the biggest problems for me, I've learned is just balancing life, right with, because I worked full-time job, I had this and I also have my lovely wife, who's engineering, the podcast and my two children and they're the world to me. And so I actually have to schedule in time.

[00:23:11] So I didn't know if you noticed on my con on my calendar, Wednesday nights are blocked out there. There's nothing. I come home from my nine to five job. And from the time I walk, get home, till the time I go to bed, that's the girl's time period. So we watched, I think couple of TV shows and my wife was out shopping last night and we ate ice cream, sundaes and chocolate syrup and with cream and, you know, crumbled some Oreos over the top of it kind of thing, because it's just memories.

[00:23:40] My dad was a big ice cream person. Like, we'd go. His weight at the end of those life, prove that. But yeah, I'm trying to do better than that. Every time. Like we go out on the weekend and go driving and I could guarantee we're going to stop at a gas station. He was going to be up by being ice cream. Right.

[00:23:58] That's the whole reason I went driving with him. Cause I knew I was getting ice cream.

[00:24:03] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. W with me it was donuts. My dad loved fishing and I absolutely despised fishing, but it was like the one thing that my dad really loved. So try to be a good son, tried to go out there with them and, and do those fishing trips.

[00:24:14] But I knew he was going to buy donuts. So, you know, I'd get to drive the boat. You know, when we had a boat that we could drive, I got to drive the boat and you know, I'd fish for, you know, maybe an hour. And I was done. He could go, he could fish for an entire week. And actually there was one time where we went.

[00:24:28] He, you know, we left after I got home from school, we left on a Friday and I'm thinking, okay, we're going to be gone for the night. No big deal. He brought me back home Sunday in time to get ready for bed for school. Obviously he like, he made sure I ate and stuff in between. We were like two hours from home, just, just fishing the entire time.

[00:24:46] And again, like I said, I hadn't tolerance of about an hour. So those, you know, the last two and a half to two days and maybe six hours of that was pretty rough for me.

[00:24:55] David Dowlen: I, I'm not a fisherman myself, but my oldest daughter, my, my brother got her into fishing. And so we go fishing almost like every week from spring through summer into the fall, we go fishing every week in the morning, me and her get up like four 30 in the morning.

[00:25:12] We're out fishing by 5, 5 15, and she loves it. I sit there and drink coffee. We've got this stock pond about 20 miles from here and, uh, it's 14 and under. And so I take her over there.

[00:25:31] I take her over there and I drink coffee and watch her fish. And it's great. Cause she loves it and I get to be with. She caught her first croppy I was told crappie was the wrong pronunciation for that, but she needed to get home, get to come home and make jokes with her mom. My, she went down and woke up my wife.

[00:25:50] It's like, oh, I was like, how was your fishing trips? Like we had a crappy fishing trip. Cause that's the way it spelled. She thought that was hilarious that she got to say that actually. So that's pretty good to do the tiniest bit with kids, right.

[00:26:06] Brine Hamilton: Oh, yeah. Well, it's funny too, because my son has a, he's grown to really love fishing himself as well.

[00:26:10] So right now we're at my brother-in-law's cottage. Like you mentioned, I'm on vacation here, but yeah, that's one of the big things here is just fishing for them. So it's, you know, maybe that, uh, that skipped, skipped a generation that, uh, my dad's love for fishing transcended to them, but, uh, you know, I'm finding myself out there, uh, trying to enjoy fishing again.

[00:26:29] I do enjoy the quiet now, now that I'm, you know, a bit older, I'm going to be 40 this year as well. So I do enjoy that quiet time, uh, you know, with, especially my older son, he's pretty quiet himself as well, but yeah, we, we can, we definitely enjoy that time out there, but, uh, but yeah, when, when my, when my dad was taking me as a kid, I had had such a hard time with it, but, you know, I did it for him.

[00:26:48] He, he made the sacrifice of pretending he was interested in a lot of the sports I was in and, and, you know, he was at all my basketball games when I was growing up. So, you know, those things that we do for our kids right

[00:26:58] David Dowlen: You know,, that's one of my favorite things about this and what I'm trying to do with the Fallible man.

[00:27:05] Dads are universal. It doesn't matter where you live, what your background is, where, what part of the world you're from your heritage? Nothing. Dads are a universal thing. Being a man is a universal thing. Husbands, we have so much in common with people with half of the population of the globe, right? We share so much in common with them.

[00:27:29] You can get dads together and we can talk about our kids and we can talk about being a dad. And that is just a great thing, right? It doesn't matter what ever geography can divide us. Politics can divide people, but there are some universal truths, this, and I'm trying to, I want men to understand the value they bring to the life of their children as a father, the value they bring as a husband.

[00:27:56] You know your relationship with your wife, you work with your wife, like I do on your podcast, which I know guys who think we're insane. My wife is by far the smarter of the two of us. There are people who are like, how do you, how would I, I don't even, it's like, man, it's a beautiful thing, but it's another universal connection.

[00:28:20] And it's amazing. I meet so many guys who were like, uh, uh, how do you work with your wives? Well, come over to the channel, let me share some of the things I I do in my life that helps that work because you can do that too. Right? We have all this universality that connects us from, I was just interviewing with guys in Australia recently, and I've got one coming up in Scotland, I think in a week, you're up in Canada, up on the far side of Canada from me.

[00:28:52] I had a guest recently from Vancouver. And it's beautiful because we are, you know, thousands of miles apart, but men can connect and we all have the same struggles as fathers, as husbands, as men, we all have these universal things that we can connect on and touch on and help each other with. Absolutely.

[00:29:13] Which is just an incredible journey to me, which is why I'm kind of obsessed with it. But guys, if you're getting something out of this, you know, we're keeping it really casual in this conversation, but there's a lot of truth coming out in this casual. So if you're getting something out of this, be sure and share this contract content with your friends.

[00:29:31] It is the biggest compliment you could give us. Uh, if you're on YouTube, hit the like button right through the whole social media thing. Yay. Like subscribe all that. Oh man, I hate that nonsense, but the minute you don't do it, like people forget, you know, hit the bell icon.

[00:29:47] Brine Hamilton: And I'm guilty of it myself. I watch content all the time, have it in the background when I'm doing stuff.

[00:29:51] And then it's that reminder usually to, when somebody says, Hey, like this, if you receive value, and then I was like, oh yeah, I'm just a, you know, you gotta recognize the work that folks are doing.

[00:30:00] So, yeah, for sure.

[00:30:01] David Dowlen: Are you guys, do you guys put your podcasts on YouTube as well, or

[00:30:04] Brine Hamilton: we're actually starting to, we hadn't been, it's just been the, uh, you know, the, the thumbnail with the audio file, but we're going to start implementing, uh, start integrating video into our podcast,

[00:30:13] David Dowlen: my first several podcasts.

[00:30:14] And I just, I just turned on a video camera. I'm like, okay, might as well, I'm already talking. I might as well turn this on. Right. How much harder is that? Wow. Was I in for a joke right there, because planning for you to be way more complicated than planning for the audio part of the,

[00:30:32] Brine Hamilton: but for me, it was, I started doing my, my other podcast, the healthcare security cast, and the first time I did video.

[00:30:38] I was like, okay, I'm going to start using video with all of my episodes. And then when I tried to edit it, I realized, you know, my, I was just naive, but my computer didn't have the bandwidth to handle it at all. It took me, I did some really quick edits on the video. Like I just put an intro in, put a outro on trimmed a little bit.

[00:30:55] And it took almost like 23 hours, 21 to 23 hours to process and then uploading. It was even more of a struggle. So I've only done the one video, but you know, I've got into got a new computer. So we're, we're going to really, uh, we're going to work on getting that content up there in video format as well.

[00:31:11] David Dowlen: It was one of the new upgrades for 2021 was my, my new apple. Cause I was doing everything on my laptop. Luckily I had a gaming laptop, so it held on pretty solid for a while. But yeah, that was, that was a 2021 upgrade was upgrading my PC for this. Handle. I've been bandwidth guys. If you're getting something out of it, do the whole social media nonsense, but more importantly, share this podcast, share Brine's podcast and let's get the word out and talk to more men.

[00:31:41] We're going to roll. They're our sponsor. And we'll be back in just a minute.

[00:32:19] David Dowlen: guys we're back. Brine Hamilton. And I know that sounds like Brian, when I rushed through that, like that, I'm hearing myself say it, the guys, if you believe what we're doing here, if you want to help other men improve themselves, you want to help them grow.

[00:32:36] As husbands, as fathers, you can also head over. If you believe in what we're doing to Patreon and support us there, there's a link in my website. You can go to patriotic and look us up. Our supporters have direct input to the content we create. I not only create the audio podcast here, but I also create multiple channels on YouTube at this point, uh, along with eight social media presences, and guys, all of my Patreons have direct input into what we're doing and who we're talking to and the direction we're going.

[00:33:05] You can pick up some of our swag there, like the shirt I'm wearing. If you like the podcast are many, many, many other things. I'm not going to flip my cap around because I'm wearing a headphone set and it just messes up. And you'll see how bad my troll hairstyle looks patrol hair, man. And if you want to be a member on the website, there is no cost.

[00:33:26] Okay. Come to our website, sign up for a membership. We have a brand new forum where men can just come and talk about being men. You can talk about being a dad. You can talk about being husband. You can say, Hey, I'm doing this with my kids. Is that normal? Are they supposed to eat glue? It's a forum for men by men guys come and join it.

[00:33:47] Like I said, there's no cost to you. We just want to provide a place to have a conversation. So check it out.

[00:33:53] Brine, I'm going to ask you a deep question here. You're going to love this. Okay. What have you bought in the last year? Under a hundred dollars that has had the most profound impact on your life?

Don't miss our live show at 5PM on Facebook and Youtube!

[00:34:05] Brine Hamilton: Under a hundred dollars. So there was. And, you know, I haven't been super consistent with using this, but I bought this Bluetooth, like sleeping thing that you kind of put on your head, it covers your eyes. So you, you know, you have that full dark, but then I can listen to an audio book while I'm asleep. Um, I, I didn't get, I, I invested in a cheaper one.

[00:34:23] I spent like 20 bucks. There's, there's a broad range of them just on Amazon. But if anybody wants to get one, I'd recommend, you know, spending a little bit more than I spent. Here's what I find is a lot of times I wake up and it's like behind the bed. But, you know, it was, it's good because I'm just, you know, kind of passively absorbing that content as I'm going to sleep, just set the timer on.

[00:34:42] If you use audible, just set the timer on audible and it'll turn off after, you know, whatever you set that time to be. And, you know, you're just learning while you're trying to, uh, those off. And if you have trouble sleeping, which I definitely don't, but it, uh, you know, it's helpful in that sense as well.

[00:34:57] David Dowlen: I am an insomniac.

[00:34:58] I actually have a hard time sleeping at all because I hear everything. It's not even that I can't fall asleep. It's my hearing is so keen. Like I can hear a dog whistle. Oh, wow. That I hear everything happening in my house. The summer is the best time. Cause we crank on like the air conditioner in the room and then like two or three fans.

[00:35:17] And I helps drown out the rest of the world a little bit. I used to have to sleep with a head pump, like, uh, earplugs in for me to hardly be able to sleep. So, and we're huge fans of audible here on the fellow, man. I love audio books. I discovered that a year and a half ago back around 2020. And it was like, oh, how have I messed this for so long?

[00:35:35] I've got to ask, do you actually absorb what you're, what you're listening to as you're falling asleep?

[00:35:42] Brine Hamilton: Uh, yeah, it, it like, it really depends. Cause I, again, it takes me, it takes me a little bit to fall asleep. So especially what I listened to before I sleep. It's like the last thing in my mind. Uh, but, but yeah, I've used audible.

[00:35:53] I had, well, I work from home now prior to that, I used to do a lot of driving. So I would listen to a lot of audio books and podcasts while I was driving. And I found that was really, you know, I actually took in a lot of what I was, what I was listening to. I actually, one of the colleges I teach at there was I had a three hour commute there from my house.

[00:36:09] So, you know, there and back I could, a lot of times I get through an entire. If I wanted to, and you know what, I actually enjoyed that quiet time. So sometimes I would just drive in silence, especially on the way back after, you know, a long day. Cause I typically taught evening courses. So I'd get up early work.

[00:36:24] My work day, you know, uh, my old job involved, a lot of site visits where I go to a lot of different places, interact with a lot of people and then I'd go teach. So I'd make that long trip there teach three hour class, make that long trip back. So it was, uh, you know, that, that I found, I learned so much, uh, just in the last few years making that commute, but you know, this year everything was virtual.

[00:36:44] So I've, I've just had to do it on my own and not rely on the commute to get that, uh, get that education time in.

[00:36:50] David Dowlen: What do you teach?

[00:36:52] Brine Hamilton: So I teach at, uh, Fleming college and the program, it's it? The diploma program is the PSI program, so that's protection, security and investigations. And I teach the operational security management portion of the program.

[00:37:05] David Dowlen: Okay. Okay. I I'm always interested educators fascinate me.

[00:37:15] I

[00:37:15] considered a career in education. And then I decided I liked myself more than that because I don't like other people that much. Now I spent, I spent a lot of years working with kids and, uh, it's like I, so I still ended up working with them in various capacities, but I have a lot of respect. My sister's a teacher, my cousins are teachers.

[00:37:35] So, uh, I'm always appreciative of people who do vote themselves to education does have extent. But I was curious with your technology background, uh, where that fell into place, if that was part of it. I also work in the it industry, my nine to five job.

[00:37:51] Brine Hamilton: Okay. But yeah, so this, this focuses more on my security background does spending 15 years in the industry.

[00:37:57] So essentially here in Ontario, if anybody wants to become a security guard, there's a 40 hour licensing program that they have to do. So what I teach is the equivalent to that. And then I add other things into it as well. So I try to teach them some of the things that are gonna be helpful when they actually.

[00:38:11] Get out into the workforce. So I, you know, I've kind of put a different spin on it. I make sure they all have a LinkedIn account before they leave my class. And they've connected with some people in the industries they want to get into. And again, I reflect on my experiences again, because I worked as a security guard.

[00:38:24] I worked in management roles, so I try to share all of that with them. So they, again, they just know what to expect when they get out in the field.

[00:38:31] David Dowlen: Okay. So you said you have four kids.

[00:38:34] Brine Hamilton: I do.

[00:38:34] David Dowlen: Is that correct?

[00:38:35] Brine Hamilton: That's correct. So I have a 12 year old son. I have twins, a son and a daughter who are nine and a five-year-old son

[00:38:44] David Dowlen: twins.

[00:38:44] Wow.

[00:38:47] Brine Hamilton: So we, we also, um, we actually miscarried in between our twins and our youngest. So we actually almost had a, another set of twins that was really early on, but no, we, I guess it again, that's another thing that's supposed to skip a generation. So we were kind of the next in line and, you know, we, it turned out, it was, uh, you know, that at least that part was true for us.

[00:39:06] We did have twins and. Yeah, almost.

[00:39:08] I had another set.

[00:39:09] David Dowlen: My, my wife and I were a little concerned about that. Cause we, we were both due on our families, hers and mine. We were both doing that dinner. Generational skip. Yeah. Yeah. Like, uh, no, no, no, let's not do that. Oh, now she's saying she wanted kids. She wanted twins.

[00:39:31] Brine Hamilton: Well, you know what? You take whatever, uh, whatever you're blessed with. Um, you know, I, I always, I, we always knew that there were, the twins were a possibility. It's funny. Actually, when my wife went for the ultrasound, she had told the text, like, I feel like I'm having twins. I, I just get a feeling of these are twins and she's like, oh, oh sweetie.

[00:39:47] Everybody who, everybody who comes in here thinks they're having twins, we'll we'll check for you. And then she was super surprised when she's like, oh, you are having twins. Like, no one's ever said that. They felt like they were having twins and they were actually having twins. But yeah, she's always had a really good sense.

[00:39:59] It's interesting. She's like, I feel like, you know, early on too, like, I feel like. Fertile right now is, you know, something that actually said to me when we decided like, yeah, we're gonna, we want to grow our family. And, uh, yeah, it was like she was pregnant soon after, so she's always had a good sense. And, you know, even with the, with the twins, that cache, she thought it was twins right

[00:40:17] away.

[00:40:18] David Dowlen: Wow. That's a, it's a little scary intuition.

[00:40:23] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. Well, it's just interesting to, like, I know we're, we're focusing on men here, but the one thing that I, I observed, especially with our first son, like, you know, the first kid. So we, we, we, you know, we did everything that you, you know, you're kind of told you should do or things that you think are going to be beneficial, like playing, playing the classical music for them when they're in the belly, all that stuff.

[00:40:44] And you know, we, we S we spoke to our son, his name is Josiah. Wait, we would speak to him a lot when, when he was in there. And the thing I remember cause he was, so when he was born, he was, he was a little bit overdue. He was like, he was like nine days late and my wife had to be induced. Uh, he, uh, he ended up being nine pounds, a one and a half hours.

[00:41:00] And, you know, he right from day one, like he was moving his neck, like right. The minute he was born, he was actually moving his neck. I remember my, my, my, uh, my father-in-law holding him. And he was like, oh, he's got a strong neck. Like he could tell he, he's not really one for holding babies. So it kind of freaked him out that, you know, his grandson's head was moving on and, you know, day one.

[00:41:18] But I just remember, you know, when they handed them to my, they hand them to my wife and she said, hi Josiah. And just like the way that he, he actually like raised his head to look at her and then he just rested his head on her. You know, I always remember that moment because it's like, he recognized the voice when she said hello again, because he could lift his neck and he could like roll over on day one, which was, for me, it was, it kind of threw me off.

[00:41:41] It, it actually scared me when he was in the, you know, the little crib thing that they put them in, uh, that he was able to roll over on his own. I, you know, worried me, but yeah, he was able to do that from day one.

[00:41:52] David Dowlen: My, my oldest was a three and a half, almost four weeks, early

[00:41:59] an hour after she was born, she was laying on my wife's chest. And I sat down on this couch that was in the room. I started talking to my wife like, hi, how you doing baby? And my daughter picked up, her head turned completely the other direction from the way she had been facing adjusted and focused in on where my voice was coming from and laid her head back down.

[00:42:20] And we both went that that's not supposed to happen. Wait, nurse, Hey, way. Like, oh, you know, that, that actually happens. I know everybody thinks it doesn't, but it was like, that was a little too precise. I'm like 15 feet away. She knows exactly where I am. It's like, Now I don't feel quite so stupid for talking to my wife's belly.

[00:42:47] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. There's definitely validates everything that you were doing up until that

[00:42:49] point.

[00:42:50] David Dowlen: Right. It was one of those things, his dad, you, you see people do that. You let you see that in sitcoms. Right. You see that in movies and then, but like when your wife is pregnant and you're like, oh, am I supposed to talk to her valley?

[00:43:02] My am I actually supposed to? I feel kind of stupid here. Everybody looking at me like, yeah, my wife's like she would fall asleep during hockey games. We're season ticket holders at the time she, she started going to hockey games when she was like a month old the head. Oh, wow. You know, we put a little air phones on, but it's still kind of loud.

[00:43:25] So, yeah.

[00:43:26] Brine Hamilton: Um, I'm actually curious, uh, I'm gonna ask you something, you have any, um, any, you know, guy, friends that you grew up with who are still your friends to this day who also have kids and you kind of been through that journey.

[00:43:37] David Dowlen: I don't have as many, we moved a lot. Uh, so my father was a minister up until he passed away.

[00:43:44] Okay. Sorry. I go to full screen for me and we'll keep talking here.

[00:43:50] Brine Hamilton: Yeah, for sure.

[00:43:51] David Dowlen: My father was a minister up until the day he passed away. Okay. Well, I should say the last year and a half of his life, two years of his life, he was dis disabled. Five years ago, his heart, his aorta split like five inches straight above his heart.

[00:44:09] Just worse in the middle of the night. He should not have lived through it. My dad didn't work at like standard large churches or anything. My dad worked in mission supported roles as a domestic missionary. And so we moved a great deal. We were never, in fact, until I lived here with my wife, we were never anywhere longer than two and a half to three years after.

[00:44:34] I've I've literally lived from coast to coast, north to south. And so you actually kind of develop a, almost a resistance to building relationships.

[00:44:47] Brine Hamilton: Yeah, I can appreciate that for sure.

[00:44:48] David Dowlen: Because every time you settle in, you turn around and move again. And, uh,

[00:45:10] there we go. There we go back on. So I was really conservative about building strong relationships. I do actually have a handful of friends, my three best friends from high school. One of them is actually now my dad has been my adopted brother for years. Like his family left him. He ended up moving in with.

[00:45:30] Because his family was not a deal. And then they moved away and he stayed with us. And when we went to the military, once he turned 18, he signed over parental rights to my parents because he had to have a guardian. Okay. So like he's literally self chosen, only adopted into my family. That's awesome. Him and our two best friends from high school are still some of the closest people in the world to me.

[00:45:55] Uh, they have our other two friends got married out of high school, was a boy and a girl and they got married out of high school. He is actually getting, ready to retire from a career in the army. They have three or four kids. I'm going to screw that up. She's going to listen to and kick my butt. They have three or four kids.

[00:46:16] He worked his way for, okay. So I was going to crack me. Uh, he worked his way from like he won. He went in and he won. He is a warrant officer three. He is as high as you can go in the military as an enlisted man. He's actually an officer. And so I've gotten to see that journey for them. And my adopted brother, like my wife and I waited many years, we were 30 before we had kids.

[00:46:37] And so my nieces, my youngest on my side of the family, my younger one is 21 this year. My wife's family. We actually have little kids, but on my side of the family, I'm the baby. My wife is the oldest. And so like, I've watched all of my nieces grow up. I have four nieces and a nephew on that side of the family who are all adult age now.

[00:47:00] So, um, my siblings and I are very close because of the moving around. Our relationship is very strong because that's what we can always, we were always taught. That's what we can fall back on. Right? Family is family is everything for us. So I've gotten to go through it with them. I've gotten to be a part of it with them.

[00:47:22] They're all actually really enjoying the fact that I have little kids. Compared to them. And then my wife has soldiers in her family and she has two brothers and a sister who all have children. Okay. And one, the oldest boy is a little bit older than my oldest, but then it's my kids down. They've kind of fade altogether.

[00:47:41] So it's been a really exciting time. Uh, I like my friends, kids have come through with them and say they know my kids. And so it is cool to be able to see other people take that leap. I was also youth minister for a number of years. And so I worked with not only teenagers, but also little kids as well.

[00:48:05] Brine Hamilton: Okay. No, that's, that's really cool. It's interesting too, because like, you know, I have one friend who, well, I, you know, my childhood friend was this guy, his name was VANOC. He unfortunately passed away a few years ago. He got colon cancer, really young. And, uh, you know, obviously, uh, it was, you know, it was tough to see him kind of go downhill really quickly.

[00:48:24] But, uh, there was him and then there's my, my best friend to this day, Patrick, we've known each other since we were 12, we got married a year apart. We had our first kids, like six months apart. So we've kind of been through that journey together. I remember calling him one day and I was excited because diapers were on sale.

[00:48:39] And then like I'm telling him, I'm like, I never would have imagined when we were playing basketball. You know, we were playing basketball together and against each other, when we were kids that we'd be talking, we'd be excited about diapers. One. It's like, yeah. You know, kind of the, the nature of things, those that, you know, those different stages of life.

[00:48:54] So it's always, it's cool to have people to kind of go through that with, um, I can relate to you in that we moved a lot as well. Um, not because my dad was a minister by any means, but, um, you know, we just, for whatever reason, we moved a lot just because of her circumstances. But, um, you know, I had a little bit of apprehension about making friends with people as well.

[00:49:10] So VANOC, he actually, he lived about an hour away from me, but he was like my first real friend. So my, my dad, he went out of his way to on the weekends, bring him over and he would spend the weekends at our house and then he would drive him back on Sunday. But we, you know, so we maintain that relationship for a very long time.

[00:49:25] They paid for long distance because, you know, we have all these phone plans now where you can just make a long distance call on your cell phone, but. Back then we had all these different codes that we had to use. So we, we maintain that, that, that friendship, you know, like up into adulthood,

[00:49:39] David Dowlen: my wife and I's relationship was built from opposite sides of the country.

[00:49:43] Okay. Uh, three years of long distance phone calls and her writing letters and me occasionally writing a letter, you know, but mainly long distance bills because yeah. I'm 41. So yeah, I paid a lot of, a lot of calling cards, a lot of long distance pages. So question of the show, guys, if you could be doing something with your life, other than what you were doing right now, what would it be calming down in the comments?

[00:50:13] Tell us if you could be doing something else with your life. If you had your choice other than what you're doing right now, and I'm not talking like, oh, I'd be a millionaire. Now, if you could be doing something else, right. Making a living, carrying your life forward. Doing something else. What would it be common down below?

[00:50:33] Share your dreams and hopes guys. Cause I I've got some news for you. You can do it. I absolutely can believe you can do it. And I have a feeling that Brian agrees with me on this. So comment down below, I answer all the comments on the videos and you know what? You can comment on the podcast as well.

[00:50:53] There's some cool new platforms I found one today. I'll tell you about later that, uh, for listening to podcast is actually designed as a social network. So you can share podcasts with friends and it's kind of like, uh, suggestions for friends. You make friends on it and he'd be like, oh dude, I just listened to this one.

[00:51:11] Right? Say podcast based social app. It's kind of cool. That's cool. comment below guys. Now moving forward, Brian, you said you waited until 30 to start your journey until self-improvement into self-improvement right. Don't feel bad. I was 40. And you wish you had started sooner. So most people just kind of need a clear starting point.

[00:51:36] And if you were starting again, right. If we rolled back to the dice and took you back to 30. And you realize, Hey, I want to grow. I want to improve myself with some of the knowledge you have now, what would the first three steps you would take to get started on that journey? Be?

[00:51:58] Brine Hamilton: And the, well, the first thing I would do is start looking at finances.

[00:52:02] Cause even still, it was really later in my thirties when I actually really started to focus on finances. So that would be the first thing I would just solidify what I wanted to, what I actually wanted to learn and just dedicate, you know, I would schedule time to make sure I'm focusing on those skills.

[00:52:18] That'd be the second thing. So skill development I would work on, so, okay. So I'll give you, I'll just give you three things. So skill development would be. Uh, networking. And then the third thing would be mentorship, uh, both being a mentor and being mentored now from the perspective of skill development.

[00:52:37] For me, it was really, I wanted to focus on one skill and at the time it was public speaking because I was terrified of public speaking. I didn't like being in front of a crowd. I got really nervous. I would start sweating even if I knew what I was talking about. And I knew the group, it was difficult for me.

[00:52:51] So I, I started doing this at work. So I started speaking at staff meetings. I volunteered to, uh, to do that. And ironically, what I started speaking about was the reporting software that we were using. You know, years later, it's the company I work for now. That's how I became familiar with the product, but it started talking about that.

[00:53:08] So it was something I was comfortable with and I was just prepared to be bad at it until I was good at it. I read books about public speaking, watch videos about public speaking. Did Toastmasters read books about communication? So I just really focused on that one thing until I was comfortable enough with it to move on to something else.

[00:53:24] And again, it's that compound effect that I was talking about where, you know, you just try to get a little bit better each day and then, you know, without really noticing it, you progress. And then when you look back a month later, six months later, a year later, you've gotten so much better at that one competency.

[00:53:40] And for me, public speaking was what I wanted to work on, but communication was the other thing I wanted to improve in. And there they're obviously related skills are intertwined. So I was able to focus on two things that kind of benefit each other. So I think that kind of propelled my learning in that area a little bit, uh, in terms of networking, I don't really like to use the word networking.

[00:53:58] I like to think of it more as relationship building, because that's what it really is. Networking is kind of the buzz word that people know. But again, I started doing this really. But just really connecting with the people who, who I knew, uh, either in the workplace, the work environment that I was in outside of that work environment.

[00:54:16] And then just those within my industry. Because again, you never know where those connections are going to lead. You're you're, you're going to meet some very interesting people along the way. And again, if I talk about the job that I'm in now, it goes back again to that reporting software that I was using, the person who came to do our training.

[00:54:32] She had come from Massachusetts at the time to Toronto to do our training. And now she's my boss, many again, many years later, but made that connection with her when, um, when she first came and again, I wasn't in a management role at the time I was a security guard, but I maintain that relationship, maintain that contact with her and now have a great working relationship with her.

[00:54:52] So again, those industry specific contacts, those outside of your industry, and then mentorship is the big thing as well. So. Again, learning from someone. So I P I identified someone as a mentor and I actually approached them. It was, it was difficult for me to, again, just kind of trying to get over that. It was more of a lack of confidence for me, but I'm like, you know, cause this person really going to want to invest their time in me, but I, you know, I just asked them for mentorship and I said, why are they?

[00:55:17] I said, I want to do one day. I want to do what you're doing. You already know how to get there. And you know, if you wouldn't mind, if you could find some free time or if you could, if you're willing to give up your time, I'm, uh, you know, I want to learn. And the person was actually more than willing. Uh, did a lot for me in terms of really launching my career, introducing me to a lot of the right people, teaching me the right things, kind of directing me towards the right opportunities.

[00:55:44] And, and again, I had the opportunity to mentor others. So, you know, even though I wasn't in a leadership role, um, I was able to mentor people who were, you know, new employees, for example, I did a lot of the training. And then when I started. I was able to mentor all of my students it to some degree. Right?

[00:56:00] So whether it's a formal mentor like I had, or an informal mentor, I had a lot of those, the people who are really teaching you without necessarily knowing they're teaching you, you're learning from their example. Again, my first mentor was my dad. I, I learned so much from my dad without him. Sometimes it was deliberate.

[00:56:16] Other times I was just learning from observation and I'm sure you can relate to that as well. But again, those are the three things I would focus on developing some skills, focus on building my network or just building those relationships. And then mentorship

[00:56:30] David Dowlen: guys. I want you to really hone in on what he just said there, because if you paid attention to what he was saying, he would focus in on developing him self.

[00:56:42] We, we, we are often taught to feel guilty about developing ourselves and taking time to build ourselves and improve ourselves. Right. We're, we're taught as selfish, uh, and, and it's so. Taking time to, if you want to grow, if you want to build yourself and improve yourself, well, you can't do that. Unless you focus on yourself, build your skills, invest in, you, build your knowledge, invest in, you get into a mentorship thing.

[00:57:14] It's actually interesting that you said that. Cause I just had a Sam Thiara on not long ago, who is a big mentorship person. And we had an in-depth conversation on mentorship, but I find so many guys who, right. People that we would call really successful, right? Like mil, the billionaires and crap like that.

[00:57:33] They're like, and if you ask any of them, they're like find the mentors. And it's like, it's like finance. We don't teach that in school. We don't teach kids. Hey, find a mentor and work with them. Find somebody who is where you want to be are higher and, you know, get them to mentor you. So is interesting that those are the points you bring up.

[00:57:58] It's amazing. some of things you learn as you start to do the podcast, right? You, you started to hear some really common repeated ideas, like, oh look, people who are succeeding at their goals have some really foundational

[00:58:17] things that they go back to every time. Right. It's a common thread. Yeah. So go ahead and I'll have

[00:58:25] Brine Hamilton: I just going to say, there's definitely some universal truth, then the truth doesn't change, right? No matter who it's coming from, you know, you can hear the same message from a number of different people, but again, there's a reason why these things work.

[00:58:36] David Dowlen: Oh, don't, you know, it's all, it's my truth is my truth. Year two year, three year truth. Right.

[00:58:44] Brine Hamilton: And you know, it's funny. I want to hone in on one thing that you said too, because you talk about a lot of push and especially again, I think because your dad was a minister too. There's a lot of focus on. others That we kind of come up with that, you know, and my background I'm, I'm Christian as well, myself and again, you, you focus a lot on others and not as much on yourself and you can, you're not really in a position to help others until you actually truly do some things for yourself.

[00:59:08] You know, when you're, when you're on a flight, you know, I haven't been on one for a long time given this pandemic, but when you're on a flight, one of the things that they tell you in the, you know, when they're going over to the emergency drills is if you need to use the oxygen bags, put what, put the, put the oxygen on yourself before you put it on another person, right?

[00:59:24] It's that same idea. You know, you can't help anybody. If you

[00:59:27] pass out,

[00:59:28] David Dowlen: help yourself first, and then you're capable of helping others. And that's one of the things I've seen him with mentorship programs. So, you know, if you, you take care of you, you are then in a position where you can take care of other people as well.

[00:59:42] So, Hey, are you a, are you a journal guy? I got to ask.

[00:59:46] Brine Hamilton: You know what, I'm not I've I've tried a couple of times. I can't really say I've tried. I haven't given it a great effort. I've had the book on my nightstand and I'm like, I'm going to start journaling. I started bullet journaling for like one day, but you know what?

[00:59:58] I see a lot of value in it. It's something that, uh, I feel like I should start doing, but I, I just haven't,

[01:00:04] David Dowlen: like I said, I was like talking to a mirror, man. I was like, I keep I it's one of those common threads I hear, right. Is like, oh yeah, I, you know, I, I journal almost every day and I like, I keep hearing that and I keep looking at it going, yeah, I tried that a couple of times.

[01:00:21] I still have the really mostly empty books that, that made like a week. That time, that, that time I made it like two weeks. Intermittently over the next three months,

[01:00:34] Brine Hamilton: you know? And it's one of those things too, because I just got finished saying like, for me, a lot of it is like, I don't know what to write, but I just finished saying too, like I was comfortable being bad at something until I wasn't bad at it.

[01:00:45] And I guess I should apply again. It's sometimes it's easier to give the advice than it is to actually adhere to it. But I think I may, you know, you kind of struck a chord for me. I may have to apply that to journal.

[01:00:56] David Dowlen: Just, I just laugh. Cause I see a lot of people, like I said, they just, oh yeah, journaling is such an, you, you have to see the something, you have to see the value in something personally before you can really make it stick for you.

[01:01:08] Right. And I just, I'm not at a point where I look at the value. I understand in theory there's some pluses to it. Right. But it's the difference between that whole theoretical knowledge and actually getting my brain to go, oh no, this is a good idea. Right. But, but I got to ask, right. Cause you've had a pretty good.

[01:01:28] Um, reading your job and how you're doing with that. And then you get to teach and stuff like that. You've do you feel like you've been successful in growing yourself so far? Like, I don't think you're done, but you find path.

[01:01:42] Brine Hamilton: But yeah, I think I've put myself in the, some of the right positions. I definitely, again, E I w you know, I kicked myself sometimes when I think about what I could have accomplished if I had started earlier, but, you know, there's the old adage, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.

[01:01:56] And the second best time is today. So, you know, just start with where, where you are. But for me, I definitely feel like I've grown a lot again, especially doing podcasts, being someone who is scared of speaking in front of people to now doing podcasts, doing live events, speaking at conferences, things of that nature.

[01:02:12] That that's been a, again, that was my biggest stumbling block. And I knew if I wanted to get into management roles or, you know, even the job I'm doing today, it's the, the bulk of it. The most important part of it is doing presentations. So if I didn't, if I didn't work on that, and again, this wasn't ever a role that I thought I would be, and it wasn't something that I pictured for myself.

[01:02:31] But again, if I hadn't been working on those skills, I would probably be, I probably would have had a lot steeper learning curve getting into this role, or it probably wouldn't have even been a possible really, to be honest,

[01:02:41] David Dowlen: trust me, this, this was not on the radar a year and a half ago. Um, I just, I am like right at my one year, start time for my podcast.

[01:02:53] I started recording. I officially released them September 1st, my first 10 podcasts. Okay. But I recorded 10. So that way, like I, I hit the new and noteworthy and all that stuff. Right. The research and learn you should do. So I recorded like five or 10, right. I recorded a five and released five and then re released the next five on top of that or prerecorded.

[01:03:14] So that way I could establish, not only do I. Uh, collection, but I I'm regular, right? Yeah. By myself, a catalog to build some time I started that, like I release those officially. That started September 1st. But you know, it was, it was this second half of August where I'm, I'm in my office with a microphone recording and doing all the work, doing all the editing and stuff like that.

[01:03:37] And man, it seriously a year ago, like a year and a half ago, you told me I'd be doing this. I would have laughed at you so hard. Well, it, masculinity has just been under attack for the last several years, right? Yeah. Uh, I, I'm not wearing it. I actually, ah, pull it off.

[01:03:55] Brine Hamilton: Ah, there we go. Yes. You know what, and it's funny because I was just thinking this myself while you were talking is like, we hear this terminology of toxic masculinity being thrown around.

[01:04:06] And I don't think there's anything toxic about being masculine about masculinity. Like, oh, I guess here let's, let's kind of just take it back. How would you define masculine?

[01:04:16] David Dowlen: I think masculinity. I mean, if we really want to boil it down, masculinity is a mix of, as a biological construct is a mix of chemicals, right?

[01:04:28] By the biological cocktail in your body, you are masculine. Um, I had a doctor on the other day and I mean, men have 75 per 400 times amount of tests. I think it's like 400 times the amount of testosterone that women do. Right. But it's not just testosterone. Right? There's other chemicals in the mix.

[01:04:47] There's a difference between being male and being a man. But if you want to get to a biological constraint, it's a biological cocktail. This born into the male of our species, right? If you want to get into a more social contract construct, masculinity is men who stand up for the others who take care of their responsibilities, who nurture the next generation, who are strong and confident in who they are.

[01:05:14] Enough to have conversations with people enough to let other people be other people. Right. I don't have to be right all the time. I don't have to agree with everybody I talked to. Yeah. I don't have to tell you how you have to do something just because I'm physically larger or stronger masculine men. To me, don't need to exercise their physical praliss to prove their masculine, a lion.

[01:05:40] Doesn't have to tell anybody it's a fricking lion, right? Sharks. Don't swim around the ocean going ha Im a shark, look out. Everybody knows, right. A big lion's like lazing around all day until it's time to work. And when he decides to work, nobody is safe and everybody understands that he is in charge.

[01:06:05] Right. And to me, that's the way masculinity manifests itself at a societal level. I don't have to prove. I got nothing to prove. I don't have to prove I'm bigger or stronger. I don't have to go intimidate other guys who are physically smaller than me, or have different ideas than me. I don't have to show anything.

[01:06:24] I can be who I am. I can be strong in who I am. I can support people. I can be gentle when I need to be gentle. I can be strong when I need to be strong. But to me, you automatically forfeit that right. Of being a man, when you have to suppress others in any way. Right. It really, I mean, I don't even know how to define it cleanly, but at a societal level, if you have to walk around and be like, I'm a man, you're, you're not just put it away.

[01:07:00] Brine Hamilton: I think. Yeah. There's a little bit of confidence. That's in there. Leadership, assertiveness, a lot of the things that you mentioned, but I guess. Well, what I want to get at is like, w what, how can any of that possibly be toxic? I think, right, right. If you're, if you're talking about what people call toxic masculinity, you're not talking about masculinity at that point.

[01:07:19] It's just toxic behaviors. Whether it's someone who's super aggressive or, you know, like the example that you gave someone who has to be demeaning to other people that would make other people feel like less to bring themselves up. There's nothing masculine about that. And I don't, you know, there has to be a distinction between the two.

[01:07:33] So I love that hat. I actually saw that when I was on your, uh, I think when I was on your website and I was like, I gotta, I gotta get one of those because, you know, we're kind of thinking right on the same, uh, the same wavelength, there were, I'm definitely on the same page in terms of masculinity. And

[01:07:46] David Dowlen: people look at the right, the whole boys being boys thing, right.

[01:07:50] Boys roughhouse. And it goes back to the biological, chemical cocktail, right? Yeah. There is a need to, and it's not even necessarily to suppress other boy. Men need order, right? That's why men do better in the military or men do better in certain professionals, even like as police officers. Yes. Women can do it.

[01:08:12] Absolutely. Uh, my wife's best friend is female officer and she's amazing, but men do better in that structure personally. Not like they perform better. They just, they function better because it's a hierarchical construct, right? That's why boys will be boys because boys are pack animal and we need to know who is the leader of the group.

[01:08:41] You, you, you can't go anywhere. I mean, you can look around everywhere and that can be in the business office that can be in the school yard. I can be in military. That can be anywhere you want to go, where men are involved in groups. There will be a definitive leader to that group. Absolutely. And it's just because our, our brains recognize a hierarchal construct of organization.

[01:09:07] That's just the way our brains work. It's not a, we're trying to bully somebody. It's not a, we're trying to, we're super now. It's it's, that is the construct of the way our brain works. And that's not a well we're, we're, you're just taught that. No, on that's biologically, that's where our brain functions, there are differences between the male brain and the female brain.

[01:09:32] Uh, I had a great conversation with a psychiatrist the other day, and there's, there will always be a difference between the way a man's brain works and a female's brain works.

[01:09:43] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. We're, we're different, but there's nothing wrong with that. No, and, and you're absolutely right. Like I see it with my three sons and my daughter, just the way that they do things.

[01:09:51] They're just naturally with the same two parents who, you know, they grew up there in the same house. There's certain things like, obviously they're all, all four of them are. Personalities, but there's certain elements that all three boys have, you know, the rough housing, all that stuff that doesn't exist in my daughter necessarily.

[01:10:09] David Dowlen: And instinctively when the three of them are together, one of them kind of emerges as the ringleader, right?

[01:10:14] Brine Hamilton: Yes.

[01:10:16] David Dowlen: And instinctively, as they get older, they may tease their sister, but God help anybody who messes with her, especially if they're all are predominantly, you said two of the three are older or

[01:10:30] Brine Hamilton: yeah.

[01:10:30] So yeah, so my, the twins, um, the, my son was actually born before my daughter, so he's one minute older. So he, he has that on her

[01:10:39] David Dowlen: in instinctively. They ins are instinctively born with a protective nature to protect the female of the clan period. They will protect their mother with their life. They will protect their sister would their life, no matter how much they raise each other, it is biologically encoded at a genetic level.

[01:10:59] Right. We all know the females do most of the hunting in a lion pack. Right. And the pride of lions females do most of the work because it burns a great deal of energy for a male lion to do anything. But if the lion pride is under attack are actually under threat. God help anybody who gets in front of that male lion.

[01:11:24] And I mean, female lions are, are forced to be reckoned with, but I've seen a male lion turn an entire herd just by spinning around because it's like, oh wait, we, we woke up grumpy. Okay. Right. There's just a biological imperative to protect the females of the species.

[01:11:46] Brine Hamilton: Well, and even each other, like my, I remember my older son made me, you know, my oldest son and, um, the next son, you know, they, again, rough housing, they get into it with each other all the time.

[01:11:55] They, you know, we have to, we have to try to correct them from insulting each other. Like, I know it's all part of growing up when they get older. Hopefully that's not going to be the case. Typically it's not going to be the case, but you know, as much as they fight, I remember there was a, one of the kids in my older son's class who was, you know, roughing up my younger son a little bit.

[01:12:14] And he, as much as they fight at home, like you're not doing that to my brother. And, you know, we had probably one of the first fights at the Christian school that we send them to it. So we, you know, we got the, we got the call home, but, um, yeah, it's that, that protective mentality too, for the, you know, the, the smaller, the

[01:12:30] smaller ones as well.

[01:12:31] David Dowlen: Oh yeah. My, my brother is 48. I oldest brother. And there's no doubt in my mind that he was so come to my room. I don't need him to come to my desk, but he was still coming to my rescue because that's who he is right there is just, I understand that we have the ability to surpass certain things with our cognitive abilities as men, but there are biological imperatives to the hierarchy in which our brain works and except society.

[01:13:05] And they're not negative, but they're criticized as a negative because, well, I still don't understand why, because you, you can't judge an entire species based on some bad rotten eggs, right. You don't throw out an entire harvest because you got two or three bad apples. Right. You don't throw out the entirety of the female species because Hillary Clinton's psycho.

[01:13:35] I'm sorry. It was that. Something just slipped her. Now I think that, or did I say that? Sorry, that was my inside voice, my bad,

[01:13:44] but it's we, we don't do that to any other group. Right? We don't take the very worst examples of that and go, this is the whole group, but that's what this whole toxic masculinity surge has been is all men are rapists. No, we, we throw them in prison and most guys who are actually men. Yeah. If we can show them the dark alley, we we'll deal with that too.

[01:14:09] Brine Hamilton: Yeah. Well, even, even there's a code of conduct within, with, within that construct. You don't want to go in there with that rap.

[01:14:15] David Dowlen: Exactly. Right. There, there is a order to the predators and men who hurt women and children are the bottom of that. Yeah, right. Yeah. I, I, I have a friend who was a prison minutes.

[01:14:34] And only, only chaplain in Washington who walked us through. And yeah, he's like they, they put them in protective custody in special units because if they hit gen pop, done. Oh yeah. So, I mean, even, even among there, even among the criminal world, there is still a biological imperative to protect the weak.

[01:14:59] You, you can stick somebody up, you can Rob somebody, you can murder somebody, you hurt a weaker sex, you hurt a woman, you hurt a child you're done. Right. But somehow we made all men. Those were judging an entire species.

[01:15:19] Sorry. I can go on for a long time. I'll I'll stop.

[01:15:24] Brine Hamilton: I struck a chord there.

[01:15:25] David Dowlen: Yeah. Yeah. I apologize. I, I can get going pretty long in that way. But it's the foundation of what I'm doing. So that's why I'm here.

[01:15:37] Brine Hamilton: No, and like I said, it's important conversations to be had and you know, it's necessary. A lot of us, a lot of us didn't have the example that, you know, you or myself had and, uh, you know, a father who, you know, definitely wasn't perfect, but did teach us a lot of what we needed to know to function in society and, and be able to be a good father, be a good husband.

[01:15:58] So having this platform to do that is it is, it is a great thing.

[01:16:02] David Dowlen: Well, my, my I'm a very ones, zeros kind of person, right? Um, this is why it works for me is this, I can't count how many times I've talked with the owner of a piece of equipment and been like, there's nothing wrong with it. You screwed it up.

[01:16:16] Really the amount of effort it takes to make this mistake, the machine is not possible. You did this, right. That's why I like it, but I I'm a logic person. Yeah, I would not judge any species, race group, anything by a handful of people. And so the fact that there's been this turn really, I mean, it's been a gradual thing over 50 or 60 years, 70 years now, but in the last five years it has become dogmatic and it's all on here's this handful of really bad people.

[01:16:55] So you're all bad. And I'm worried about the next generation. I'm worried about little boys growing up, being told that everything they naturally feel they're naturally inclined to do is evil and wrong. Yeah. We haven't even begun to test the ramifications of that yet. Growing up your whole life, believing everything that is instinctive to you is wrong and bad and makes you a bad person.

[01:17:18] Um, I'm, I'm terrified about what that's going to do, but we'll get back on track because I can so box this forever. Me too. So what is next?

[01:17:30] Brine Hamilton: You know what it's, uh, it's funny. I could kind of say that there's a couple of things that are on the go. I guess the one thing is my wife and I right now, where we're trying to purchase our first investment real estate property.

[01:17:42] So that's something that hopefully will be happening really soon. Uh, again, just kind of expanding our horizons. Uh, we're doing a lot with the podcasts. Again, we just started as a platform to help people giving us, learning, giving us the opportunity much like you and Sarah are doing to do something together.

[01:17:56] And, uh, you know, just really seeing where that goes. So we don't, we don't necessarily have a plan. Like you said, we don't, we don't know where it's going to end up, but, you know, we're just, we're just working it and, you know, we'll, we'll see where it takes us. So yeah, just, I guess for me, just, uh, stay tuned, watch for the content and hopefully that what I'm sharing, uh, what, what Tonya and I are sharing is going to be helpful.

[01:18:20] And hopefully, you know, this discussion has been helpful for people.

[01:18:23] David Dowlen: Sarah. You want to put his sight across screen guys. If you are on the audio podcast, this will be, there'll be a link in the description so that you can find Brine and Tonya and what they're doing. Uh, if you're on the pod YouTube podcast, it's on the screen right now, but it will also be in the show description.

[01:18:40] It will be in the show notes on the audio guys, go check out, disrupt the everyday podcast, go check out and see what they're doing. They are having some really interesting conversations. I enjoyed it a lot earlier today. I was listening to it at work and they have a variety of guests, but they all have such a unique perspective and thoughts to bring.

[01:18:59] It's incredible. The information they're sharing. Thank you for putting up with us ranting and having a good time today, Brine, thank you for coming on the palette on the podcast and. Guys be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see you next time.